zen and the art of honda civic maintenance (and cooking)

many life lessons can be learned from cooking and car maintenance. last night i spent over an hour trying to figure out why my headlight was so dim, and replacing my windshield wiper blades. then when that madness was over, i spent another couple of hours shopping, baking, and cleaning up after making some (hopefully) amazing au gratin potatoes.

1. it doesn't matter how many times you read the directions, until you get in there and get your hands dirty, you won't have a clue what you're doing.

2. even when you follow the directions, each situation is new. it's bound to have it's own quirks and require a little improvisation.

3. when all else fails, jiggle the wires. (no really, that's literally how i found out what was wrong with my headlight.)

4. plungers work just as well in kitchen sinks as they do in toilets. (in other words, don't put so much stuff in the garbage disposal at once.)

5. if you've lived in a place for 4 months and not talked to your neighbors, open your hood, and rub some grease on your hands. they'll come out of no where to offer their condolences. if you want sympathy try replacing your wiper blades while others are watching.

6. princeton tec headlamps (though pricey) aren't just for spelunking. they work great for repairing your car in 20 degree weather at night.

7. don't wear a white hat and khaki pants when you're working on your car.

8. you can do a job with a variety of tools, but specialty tools make the job so much easier. (see ladies, guys don't have a tool fetish, it's for practical reasons that we drift off to sears when you drag us to the mall.)

9. if you're gonna bake something that will bubble over, put a cookie sheet under it to catch the drips. it makes cleanup so much easier!

10. the effort is what counts. regardless if what you cook tastes good, others appreciate the fact that you took the time to try.

putting things in perspective

we all go through cycles and stages in our lives. this has been a time of tremendous change for me for obvious reasons with the things that have happened recently in my life. moving to a new town and starting a new job are enough to either make you grow up or crush you. i had been complaining about the drama that comes with trying to work smoothly with a lot of people, when things going on in other people's lives just slapped me in the face and put everything into perspective.

one of my best friend's mom's just had surgery to remove a brain tumor. another's dad had some pretty serious back surgery. one of our assistants is going through a divorce. and worst of all, one of my kid's mom's lost a two-year battle with cancer last night. what in the world could i ever complain about?

so doing what i do, i wrote a song about it. it's not polished any the lyrics might not capture exactly what i'm going for, but i finished it. the idea is we worry about so much that doesn't matter, in this life or the long run. don't sweat the small stuff. what's important to you?

www.myspace.com/dizzymusik
(listen here)

"going down in flames"
lately life's been complicated
i get so frustrated
over the smallest things
they don't amount to anything
but if i'd only count my blessings
to put it all in perspective
i'd see i'm alive and free
what a good place to be

all these earthly things will fade away
how would it be if they were gone today

if your house burned down
what's the one thing you would save
when all your life
is going up in flames
you learn that all that matters
is how much that you gave
when you're going down in flames

megan's mom is sick with cancer
the doctors gave her hours
yet she's still going strong
singing songs of praise
jimmy's wife just up and left him
fifteen years abandoned
yet he's still holding on
by the good Lord's grace

all these earthly pains will fade away
how would it be if they were gone today

if your house burned down
what's the one thing you would save
when all your life
is going up in flames
you learn that all that matters
is how much that you gave
when you're going down in flames

coming soon: what all the fuss is about. yeah, i've got a g-word and i'm not panicking at all!

j. dizzy love the kidz

i found this one when getting my point-and-shoot digital ready to take to school. i'm doing an after-school workshop on photography with a parent who's supposed to be really good (maybe a pro?). i'm pretty excited, hope it goes well!

taking that ride

(corey smith has convinced me to be more real, and more country in my songwriting)
listen here: www.myspace.com/dizzymusik

"taking that ride"
i just met you last weekend
you were afraid to kiss me in front of your friends
so we walked under streetlights
listening to sounds of the trucks crossing over the bridge
we got lost for a few times
i said i know the way but you knew that it was a lie
you gave me a hard time
i never got credit for anything nice that i tried

as i left for my flight, you kissed me goodbye
said can i see you again, and i said i'll try

cause what's another drive from nashville to atlanta
another trip down 75
what's another climb over old monteagle
past the old see rock city signs
baby i'm coming to you
i'm taking that ride

i just moved here from georgia
chasing my dreams all the way to these tennessee hills
left behind all my family
i struggle with responsibility and all of the bills
i've got me a good job
the good people there look after me when i feel all alone
everything's so exciting, but i still feel the sting
of missing the people at home

i know this is right where i'm meant to be
oh lord won't you make this easier on me

cause what's another drive from nashville to athens
another trip down 75
what's another climb over old monteagle
past the old see rock city signs
mama i'm coming to you
i'm taking that ride

the fall and the leaves are making me stay
but it's good to know i'm never too far away

cause what's another drive from nashville to georgia
another trip down 75?
what's another climb over old monteagle
past the old see rock city signs
sweet georgia i'm coming to you
i'm taking that ride

leaves at my apt

while blue takes care of his business, i get to enjoy this amazing view. i used to think the georgia mountains were the prettiest place on earth, but i'm falling fast for these tennessee hills. 

georgia - florida

oh man where do i start? my first georgia/florida experience was amazing. i didn't take a camera so this is what you get. i'm leaving a lot out, but i don't want to bore you:

friday
so on the flight i met this pretty girl and her family. it's her 21st birthday soon so she was all decked out in a sash and crown for the weekend. her dad and i talked about sports and athens and shared a paper, but i kept the ipod on most of the time cause bebo norman calms my nerves enough to fly.

we land and i call justin to tell him, and mention the corey smith concert that night. well miss birthday girl, whose name is taylor spins around and says "no way! where's he playing?" i wasn't sure so i got her number to call her and let her know when caseycallie and crew picked me up. callie says it's sold out, so i call and give her the bad news, say have a great trip, and expect that to be it.

the crew (casey, callie, drew, amy, courtney) wants to go to the mall where i pick up some ridiculously expensive sun glasses, some chickfila and caseycallie buys turtles. we go to the hotel, sit around, watch the craziness at the pool below our balcony, drew and i throw a football on the beach, and eventually we head to dinner before the corey smith show. food was great, but the service was horrible.

the show was insane. the crowd was about 1/3 florida fans and i thought there was gonna be a brawl. corey smith is like the bulldog nation's jimmy buffett. he doesn't sing complicated songs, but everyone can relate to them because they're all about life in georgia. taylor enjoyed a few of the songs via cell phone and we agreed we should meet up at come point during our tailgating.

saturday
girls take way too long to get ready, and so we were up at some ridiculous hour to start tailgating by 9. a free breakfast of danishes and a green banana later we were headed for our parking lot... without our parking pass. the folks there were nice enough to pull up our name in the system and give us a temporary pass. we stayed there for a while, hung out with casey's parents and friends. they were the reason i got a ticket for $16.

after a while amy and i went looking for justin who ended up being just across the street. we hung out with them for a while then went to find taylor. she was a little more difficult to find (i walked all the way around the stadium twice before i figured out where she was talking about.) a few free pork sandwiches (from the other white meat promotional people) and we finally found her and her family. i told her mom about teaching in franklin, and she went crazy 'cause they live there and taylor's younger bro is my kind of student. amy and i had a lot of fun doing cheers with him, eating their ribs and drinking their beer.

somehow i managed to get the only georgia fan not enjoying himself to sit behind me at the game. he was telling us to sit down, and when he put his hand on my shoulder to try and force me to he about made me do something i’ve never done to anyone. i said some things i shouldn't have when he thought he'd be funny by throwing popcorn on amy and i. he finally left and everyone around me was like "you're a bigger man than me, i was waiting on y'all to fight. i woulda had your back man, you shoulda hit him in the mouth."

we left when georgia turned the ball over (again) in the 3rd quarter and went back to justin's. drew had been stuck on the florida side and was scared he was gonna get in a fight, so he met us. i ended up staying with justin and his friends that night.

sunday
i'm not very good at math late at night and decided i should get up at 5 to go back to the hotel room to get my stuff, shower and make my flight. well my flight didn't leave until 10:50 so i had plenty of time to help justin take down the trailer, slice the heck outta the tip of my finger taking down the tent, and get everything packed up for them to leave. i fell asleep a few times waiting on my plane to board. met a girl on the plane who was more nervous about flying than i was. she had a nikon in her bag so we had something to talk about.

picked blue up, headed home, slept away the afternoon. all these time changes are really throwing me off... it's like i gained 2 hours last night. but i still didn't want to go to work.

lessons learned
for some reason i get more attention from girls when i'm not trying.
i really enjoy meeting people when i'm traveling. it's like a switch goes off inside me and i become an extrovert. i'll talk to anybody.
i need to learn more party songs on guitar. there's a place for all my whiny ballads, but it's not the beach.
corey smith is amazing. he's definitely the soundtrack to the weekend. if i could pick one song it'd be this one: enjoy!

"next year"
it's 2006 now and i'm still the same
ol' son of a bitch in the wind
i act like i did back when i was a kid
but it hurts more than it did back then
i go out on the town and make a fool of myself
i run around with the same rowdy friends
i get drunk and obnoxious and wake up the next day
swearing i'm never drinking again

my grandma still tells me enough is enough
life ain't a game son, it's time to grow up

maybe next year i'll start acting my age
turn a new leaf over my wicked ways
get a real job and start pullin' my weight
only three hundred and sixty five days until i change my ways

i dress like a slob, i never tuck in my shirt
i let it hang over my baggy jeans
wear an old baseball cap on the top of my head
with the logo of my favorite teams
i still got the same dirty mouth that i have
since my 1st cousin taught me to cuss
and i just quit my 9-5 occupation
to play a whole bunch of songs i made up

yeah, i'm a big old kid but i ain't ashamed
'cause when the time comes around i know i can change

maybe next year i'll start acting my age
turn a new leaf over my wicked ways
get a real job and start pullin' my weight
only three hundred and sixty five days until i change my ways
maybe next year

maybe next year i'll quit blowing all of the cash
start workin’ out and get off of my ass
maybe next year i'll quit puttin' off all the chores
maybe next year i'll visit my grandparents more
maybe next year i'll go back to church and repent
maybe next year i'll pick up my bible again

i outta straighten up there's no better time than now
to kick all the habits that are bringin' me down

maybe next year i'll stop singing the blues
maybe next year i'll start tellin' the truth
maybe next i won't stay drunk all the time
maybe next year i'll have a little more piece of mind
maybe next year i won't be so sad when i'm alone
maybe next year

wanna learn about my school?

they just posted videos about the schools in my district. here's the video of my school. and school district while i'm at it... i've got my own version of narration, but i'll let you enjoy the professional rather than what i have to say.

just a little different

so miss mcgugin invited me to go to the vandy game today (i wish they'd have played like they did today against uga, and saved their good play to beat spurrier). on the way to mellow mushroom before the game, there was this bike on a bike rack on the back of a car that was twice as tall as it should have been. i told her how kelly and i had seen a group of them riding around hillsboro village the first night we went out (we had our last date recently, i might elaborate on that later). well anyway, we're at mellow mushroom and i glance down at the "all the rage" and notice the cover story is these guys on their tall bikes. they're christian dudes and use it as ministry. i have tremendous respect for guys who are rebels with a cause. i'm not that brave.

i'm gonna go have nightmares of those hideous all-purple uniforms that clemson wore against tech today.

the love of my life

eric took this picture with his camera phone. it cracks me up. there's so much emotion in it.

more from the commute

got bored with this picture so i played with it in picasa (further proof that google will take over my life, i use blogger --also a google product-- for this).

i felt like writing a waltz

i'm about to drive down this road... the leaves are even prettier now. i'm so spoiled up here!


(1-2-3, 1-2-3)
i was in love or so i thought
you painted the picture of someone you're not
and when the rain came, the paint washed away
and all that was left was a cold shade of grey

find a way to forget you
i wish that i could
(but you're locked in my memory)
try to move on without you
i know that i should
(but i can't tell my heart anything)

it should be so easy to just walk away
but the way that you haunt me makes me stay
i can't explain why i hurt like i do
i'm covered in bruises beating myself up over you

(not based on recent experiences, it just fit the mood and melody i was humming, so don't worry about me mom)

family, friends, fun, football, and being an idiot

oh me, where do i start? i did my best to cram in the most fun, family, and friends that i possibly could this weekend, and i think i did a good job.

i finally left nashville at about 6 thursday night. the only stops i made were for gas and coffee. i pulled into athens at 12:30, and went straight to bed.

woke up friday, watched tv, played frisbee with blue, and went back to sleep. saw the family for a little bit, went to justin's duplex, and sat around a fire in his back yard with he and lesley. after staying there a couple of hours, i went to casey and callie's where we eventually watched rv. their friend drew and i were the only two who stayed awake through the movie. when it was over i went home because for some crazy reason, they had decided we should meet at their place at 7:30 to leave to tailgate for the vandy game.

it was really cold out on lumpkin in front of the holiday inn, and after waiting what felt like hours, casey's folks showed up and we chowed down on some not-so-traditional tailgating food, but it was a dang good breakfast. the weather finally warmed up, and we made our way to the back row of the student section in front of the bridge. after a miserable performance, georgia lost to vandy for the first time in forever. folks were crying, which i found funny. i mean, i know you're not supposed to lose to vandy, or lose the homecoming game, but why were they crying?

after the game we ate some leftover breakfast and went back to their apartment. we watched the first half of the florida/auburn game, figured florida would win, and then headed to the dollar theater to see talladega nights. i probably stayed awake for about half of it, alternating between callie's shoulder and struggling to keep my eyes open. i dropped them off and drove home to get a little sleep before going to grandma's.

we left for south georgia sunday morning to spend the day with my grandma on her 89th birthday. the dogs had fun running around the farm and getting into the most disgusting situation i've ever experienced. we stopped in macon for some seafood at corky bell's on the way home, then got back to athens at 9.

i went to see whit in toccoa, driving for 2 hours there and back for a little over an hour of time with her. it was well worth it, but i probably just frustrated her because i'm so closed off lately.

slept in a little monday, then headed to milledgeville to see my kids and the teachers i student taught with last year. the kids have grown a ton. i was in kristi's crazy class for a while, saw the other teachers, listened to jessica and lauren complain about teacher work samples, then headed to gcsu to see dr. j.

i hadn't told her i was coming so i believed her when she said she was shocked. i talked to her a while about life and realized i'm incredibly spoiled teaching up here. bui came in to get a recommendation letter for grad school and talked about how hard his job is. he says he loves it, and i pray he does, cause goodness knows i couldn't teach in a psycho-ed center.

after that i hung out with kelli until it was time for dinner with the crazy ladies who teach at creekside. after that kelli saw me walking downtown from pueblas, so i joined her and her cousin while they ate.

i drove back to athens at 4:45 am when kelli kicked me off her couch as she headed to the gym. i slept a few hours, took my dad out to lunch for his birthday, threw my things in the car and drove through the rain back to nashville.

after crossing monteagle (quite a spiritual place for me, i'll write a song about it at some point) the rain stopped and the fall leaves popped with color. if i wasn't on the interstate, i would have pulled over to take pictures. instead i just took it in with my own two eyes.

blue and i are glad to be home. i'm worn out, but it was well worth it. i had an amazing time, did some stupid stuff, but overall had a great trip home. i answered some "what if" questions and all in all had a great vacation.

like hotel room doors

relationships are like adjoining hotel rooms. each room has a door that you can choose to open if you are the person renting the room.

sometimes you know the person on the other side, and she feels comfortable opening their door. your rooms are connected and you're part of each others lives.

sometimes you open your door, and beg and plead and collapse from exhaustion, leaning against a door that never opens.

sometimes you sit quietly on the bed while you hear the sobbing and yearning in the voice on the other side. they bang and claw on the door, and you eventually hear them slide down in defeat, never opening the door to let them in.

sometimes you leave your door open, leave the room, and dream of going back one day to see if she will open the door again.

i've left way too many hotel doors open, and slammed too many shut, crushing the fingers and hopes of a girl who simply wanted to hold my hand.

all this life for rent gets us nowhere.

10 things we can all learn from our dogs

jason posted this on his myspace blog, so i figure i can steal it and repost it since he stole the picture from me. my comments are in red:

JDean's dog, Blue, and I spent some quality time together this weekend throwing frisbees and running around the block. He inspired me to write this.

1.) Whenever a friend or significant other comes to your home, always greet them with a smile, a hug, a kiss and genuine enthusiasm that you are lucky enough to have them in your home
or hide under the bed until they call you, then do all that excited stuff

2.) Whenever someone invites you to spend time outside in nature, jump at the opportunity. Outside is waaaaaaaaay better than inside.
and just in case they're going to change their mind, pull like you're a sled dog until you get to the first pee spot

3.) Take walks daily. Be active.
and whimper like crazy if your owner is too lazy that day

4.) If you want to be someone's friend, you must first smell good. Don't stink
but don't bathe too often or it will dry your skin out. don't forget your frontline and interceptor, cause nobody wants a friend with fleas and worms

5.) Smell, roll in, enjoy, view and listen to all the sights, sounds and loveliness that is nature. God gave us the trees, rocks, grass, flowers and sky to enjoy. Man built buildings to sheild him from these things
chase every bug, bark at every cat, whimper and tug to play with every dog, and expect every single person you meet to absolutely love you and want to pet you and not mind when you jump up on them

6.) Always be faithful and love everyone unconditionally, regardless of how mean they are.
...wait, are you saying i'm a bad owner?

7.) Be eager to please your masters.
as long as he's not telling you to jump in the bath tub or trying to get your attention when other dogs and people are around... or running the vacuum cleaner, taking pictures with the digital camera, or using any other device that you're terrified of.

8.) Don't set your standards so high in order to be a friend to someone. Love everyone. After all, if you are a dog, the only test you have to pass to be ok is if your butt smells good. Our standards should be similar in simplicity.
sniff everyone, try to play with everyone.

9.) Always be willing to protect those you love from harm.
even if it's your buddy the doberman versus a mastiff and rottweiler

10.) When your friends are hurting, be quiet, sit close, snuggle up to them and let them know you love them.
or sit on top of their feet

I hope one day to love up to the image of the man that my dog thinks I am.

I lifted this pic from JDean's site. This is Blue

philoso-fickle

sometimes life... it's funny. i get this overly romanticized view of the world and everything seems to have greater, deeper meanings than it had before. everything's enhanced like the supersaturated photograph of a lomo camera.

today was a good day. i had a long day at work, but kelly came by after school to get her cell phone and i just enjoyed being in her company, plain and simple. when i came home i took blue for a run, and with my ipod blaring ran farther than i can usually make it. the music kept me from hearing my heavy steps and labored breaths and it was just me, the music, and the wind in my face.

i cooked myself a fairly healthy dinner of grilled chicken, green beans, and pasta. got a quick shower, donned a long sleeve t-shirt and some nike pants and hung out with cianna, suzie, and shawn. i called callie to interrupt her studying and talk about how great it is that i'll be home in athens in 3 days. i'm just happy. i said "i love you" to 2 friends who i haven't said it to in a while.

when i got home i got online and talked the philosophy of my commitment issues with jason and whitney and decided all that sitting on the fence ever does for anyone is give them splinters (or more painful consequences if you choose to straddle said fence). still, i'm pretty comfortable on the fence, for now. it's a good view.

one day i'll jump down and pick a pasture to settle in, but for now, i just want to take pictures and figure life out. i've got a lot of what-ifs in my life, and most of them are just fantasy what-ifs that i've created. if they're a what-if now, how come they weren't a what-if then? jb says there's no such thing as what-if, only what was. i like that. we'll craft it into a song eventually. but for now, i need to sleep.

"we're trying to find our way to love
this running ain't no kind of freedom"
-david gray - freedom

on the fence

saw john mayer and sheryl crow last night. me, and seemingly everyone else at the show was disappointed that she was the headliner for this tour stop. mayer's set was way too short, but amazing none the less. he could actually sing pretty well which he couldn't do years ago (the last time i saw him live). when ms. crow played her hits it was an enjoyable show, and she brought keith urban out to play a couple of songs with her. he didn't do anything fancy, just a real nice job of complementing her with his guitar. a good time was had by all. i got to see just about every one i know in nashville, so that was fun.

and for those of you reading into the picture, yeah, i'm back on the fence.

my morning commute - counting blessings

sometimes you just have to get up at 6:30 on a saturday, grab the dog, grab the nikon... and drive to work. i have the most amazing commute in the world, and so i decided to shoot it yesterday with the dew and the fog and the leaves beginning to change. i got a lot of good shots so i'll post one a day. enjoy! i get this every morning!


on the right of the road you have edwin warner park, on the left percy warner park. these are the most amazing city parks i've ever seen. they have everything! (have i ever mentioned the dog park?)

free money!

how cool is it to check your bank account online and see a deposit for $225 that you weren't expecting? thank you state of tennessee! woohoo!

that'll pay for my plane ticket to jacksonville! wooohooo!

jb comes to town tonight! wooohooo!

i'll be in georgia this time next week! woohoo!

woohoo.

crooked sideburns

every man knows it. it's impossible to get your sideburns right. every haircut they ask you if you would like them to fix your sideburns, and out of male pride you always say "no, i'll take care of them myself."

and so begins the battle of getting your sideburns at the same length and level.

when my dad taught me how to do my sideburns, he said, "it's easy son, just line them up with your ears." but i quickly learned that doesn't work because my ears aren't level. my right ear is higher than my left. so i had to learn to compensate... a little higher on this ear; a little lower on that one.

and the thing about sideburns is you never know how much you're actually trimming until it's too late. every guy, since he started shaving at 14, has cut his sideburns, one uneven side at a time, until he has marched his way all the way up past his ears and had no where else to trim. and they were still uneven. most of the time you just have to compromise and know when to forfeit your quest for even sideburns.

so here's to uneven sideburns and uneven ears. not all of us can have a perfectly symmetrical face like you, denzel washington. the rest of us must live in a world of "almost aligned." who wants a perfect face anyway? i say crooked sideburns add character!

you don't know me

jb filled out this survey about me. here are the excerpts that cracked me up:

My name: Jason "i'm not a playa I just crush a lot" Dean

What was your first impression of upon meeting me/seeing me: "Man, I could whoop this dude's ass and steal this girl right now"

What's one of my favorite things to do: Sing and play baby

Am I funny: Funny weird

What is the best feature about me: You are a good listener

Do I have any special talents: no but you have a huge head

Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what): kind of bummish

Am I dating anyone: You went on a date but I wouldn't call that "Dating"

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be: Mr. Non-Commitment

What's your favorite memory of me: "Dude, I haven't been to class all week."

What is my worst habit: Lovin em' and leavin' em

cattails and tall trees

two more pics from the boss man's house on the bluff. that week spoiled me.

happy birthday mom!

sally says hi

songs that have changed my life

i love making mix cds, and i'm making this one for our school psychologist. these are the songs that have had the most impact on my life. a lot of them are depressing, but that's when i needed them most.

in autobiographical order:

1. dave matthews band "#41"
this song was the favorite of a girl i was crazy about in high school. her name was pam and i was definitely more into her than she was into me. it was one of the first dave songs i learned to play on guitar. we ended up working with the same amazing group of kids years later, and now we both teach special ed. the song speaks to me cause he's saying "i don't want to, but i've got to break things off." that's always so hard and i got so sick of it that i haven't committed to anything in about 2 years.

2. third eye blind "motorcycle drive-by"
it's a pretty song. i don't really relate to it on a personal level that much, but i definitely wore it out. this is another one that helped me learn to play guitar.

3. jump, little children "cathedrals"
i got into jump in the beginning of high school, but was never old enough to see their shows. this song blows my mind because jay clifford is such a wordsmith and can create such amazing visual images through words and music.

4. caedmon's call "somewhere north"
i always gravitated to the songs derek webb wrote for them because they were mostly about girls and girl problems. i get so much raw emotion when i hear/play this song.

5. bebo norman "where the angels sleep"
this is the recovering player's anthem. it's fit my life so many times it's scary.

6. oleander "how could i?"
this song hit me hard at the end of my longest relationship. it's the thought of "how in the world could i have expected to make her happy when my life was such a mess?"

7. incubus "i miss you"
when my longest relationship ended, it ended over the phone. i was camping with the family and had never felt so miserable in my life. i had 2 cds with me, and this song stayed on repeat. i left the camping trip early to move in with adam and cried all the way home.

8. lifehouse "everything"
i remember how excited i was to discover Christian music that spoke so strongly to me. jason wade did that. the line "how can i stand here with you and not be moved by you?" is one of the best lines in Christian music ever. on a trip to nashville about 5 years ago, i was climbing monteagle in the middle of a storm. when i reached the peak of the mountain, the sun broke through the clouds as the song got to the explosion in the chorus. there've been a few moments in my life when i felt like God was speaking directly to me, and that was one. i need to write a song about monteagle, because it's definitely a special place to me, and i'm sure it will continue to be as i drive between nashville and home.

9. shane barnard "take my love"
another huge song in my life. it's just saying "God, i'm not doing well on my own, take away all the distractions."

10. jeff buckley "lover, you should have come over"
no other song tells my life like it is. it's all the frustration and pain and selfishness and everything else that goes along with failing relationships and knowing it's your fault. i think every guy who's ever loved can relate to this song.

11. mindy smith "one moment more"
she wrote this about her mom dying of cancer. when i was first getting into her, i was dating a girl whose mom died when she was younger, and i cried every time i heard this song for about a month. mindy smith's voice does something to me. her new album comes out 10/10 and i can't wait.

12. u2 "sometimes you can't make it on your own"
it's about his dad, and i can definitely relate to having a relationship like that with my dad.

i wonder which songs will be next...

i want that back

so i get in what i like to call "movie moods" when i've just seen a movie that i really get into. went and saw "last kiss" this afternoon with cianna and suzie (well, i never actually talked to suzie (i don't know that i looked at her), but she was there. i guess i was pretty uncomfortable. anyway, this song is in response to the movie, john mayer's new album, and being forced to finally grow up.

"i want that back"
listen at: http://www.purevolume.com/jasondean

we were all brave once
but that was so long ago
with our feet on the handlebars
we'd fly down the open road

we were all stupid once
we all had college days
spent tangled on a twin bed
never wanting it to go away

cause i want that back
just take my hands off the wheel
remind myself just how good it feels
yeah i want that back
find the child inside me
so i'll never let go of dreams

we were all free once
with nothing but time
before we got scared to be seen dancing
or knew the rejection that came with life

we were all young once
we saw with innocent eyes
it was so easy to be trusting
and we never saw through the lies

God's way of saying "get renters insurance"

so i woke up this morning, and went through my usual routine. when i turned on the hot water to shave, it got hot faster than it ever had before, and in no time was hot enough to do damage (it'd never been this hot before, i could usually tolerate it). so i adjusted, and barely used any hot to wash my face. in the shower i had to use a lot larger percentage of cold to stand it. i tried to come up with as many reasons why this could be happening as possible. (such as, maybe someone else shares a water heater with me and they didn't get a shower this morning... wait, does that mean i'm paying the power bill on it?) so when i got out i opened the closet that houses the indoor part of the ac/heat and water heater. it smells horrible, like hot plastic and metal. i figured the thermostat was broken and it was working overtime to try to heat this water. so i turned it off at the breaker and called maintenance on the way to work. when i got home, this was sitting right outside my front door:


that smell was melting (maybe burning) plastic on the thermostat. any mechanically inclined folks know why it would do this? needless to say, i'm gonna do everything in my power to get a break at work long enough to get renters insurance, and hopefully come home early enough to sign all the paperwork. sorry, mom, your nagging didn't scare me as much as this. hopefully by the time you read this i've got insurance.

forty-ford

1, 2, 3

the question is...

can my apartment survive 3 people (brother and his girlfriend are coming up for a wedding) and 3 dogs (i just might exceed the 50 pound or 2 dogs limit this time) for the weekend? i've definitely got a lot of cleaning to do, and will have a lot more to do when they leave!



on another note, some high schoolers did a little video montage of the 3rd grade's egypt day last week. enjoy http://video.wcs.edu/wgegypt

"stop this train"

with the infinite amount of media available to us nowadays, and the specification of information we can choose to subject ourselves to, we have our very own choose-your-own-adventure book at our fingertips. while this has its cons (i wouldn't be surprised if we're all a little more a.d.d. than we used to be) i love the fact that i can find things that speak to me, where i am in life.

two examples: zach braff movies. while i haven't seen last kiss yet, i'm assuming it's garden state 2. what i mean by that is, it's a story about a guy who's figuring out what life on his own is about. college is over, and we're out of the nest and our wings are no longer clipped.

john mayer's the same way. it's great to see him grow and change and figure out life through his music. he's 2 or 3 years older than me, and just when i'm sick of his last album, he comes out with a new one that speaks to me again. his new one is amazing. very chill, but as usual, his lyrics blow my mind and challenge me as a writer. here's the lyrics to my favorite song on the album. it's pretty much what i'm going through.

STOP THIS TRAIN

No I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
I try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
I don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight"
"You'll renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
And don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly, we'll never stop this train"

Once in a while, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark

Singing
Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed its moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

that will bring us back to doe

and thus ends the first themed string of posts i've ever done for the blog... any ideas for a new theme?

tea, i drink with jam and bread

i have no idea what "la" means

but here's the most embarassing picture of me ever

sew, a needle pulling thread

this is the coolest spider i've ever seen. i took this at night with a telephoto. the next day, he had caught a beatle bigger than him, completely wrapped it up, and ate it. his body doubled in size. now i've got 2 that look just like him out on my little deck at my apartment.

far, a long, long way to run

i wanna go back... that was the most relaxing week of my life

so i was really wanting to go see jay clifford (of jump, little children) last night cause he's one of my favorite songwriters and an incredible musician. well thursday, i hear that one of my kids is bragging about how he's going to dunk me in the dunking booth at pta's family fun night. i can't let my kids down, so i scramble, get the pta lady to fit me into the schedule, and proceed to promote my stint in the dunking booth by getting the kids riled up in their classroom before walking out the door and leaving it up to their teachers to calm them back down.

so the big day arrives and i walk outside to see the booth. it's not some dinky little thing. the bench sits about 3 feet above the water, and the water is about 5 feet deep. i'm a little worried because it doesn't have any water in it. every kid who ever had a green plastic turtle pool in the yard knows you've gotta let that thing sit out in the sun all day before it's comfortable enough to play in. so the school day goes on and there's still no water in it. eventually, a fire truck pulls up, takes out the hose, and starts to fill it up. apparently fire trucks and hydrants don't carry clean water. it was brown and you definitely couldn't see through it at all. but it was warm. (i'm not sure which i'd rather have, warm water or clear water.)

so the first few teachers go and it's a big hit. the first one to go discovers that if you don't stick your feet out, the bench will cut the heck out of the back of your leg. she bandaged it up with a bandana and kept going though. when it's finally my time to go (2 hours into the night) the novelty of it has worn off and the crowd has dwindled. a few of my kids get in line and get to try like 3 or 4 times within the span of a few minutes. folks notice there's not much of a line so they start coming over. apparently a young guy in the booth means it's not just kids anymore. i've got all kinds of folks throwing at me. one dad had a little girl who hit the target, but the ball just bounced back, so he got mad and took it upon himself to dunk me for his daughter. (it was pretty funny, everyone was like "what did that dad have against you?") heidi managed to dunk me on her third and final throw, other teachers i work with weren't so lucky.

i heckled a lot and said "aw, good try" a lot and after what felt like more than 20 minutes it was finally time for our principal to hop up in there. i'm not tenured yet, so i didn't take any throws. instead i went back inside to change, grabbed my free pizza, and headed home.

the most interesting part of the was seeing a parent, introducing myself, and hearing "that's not your teacher is it?" the kid so confidently answered, "yeah, that's mr. dean!" just motivates me to work harder and earn their trust.

poor blue was in the apt for 13 straight hours. he's a trooper. i took him to the dog park today as a reward. he made a little 3 year old's day by playing fetch with him. i should have taken my camera.

me, a name, i call myself

"it's all about the eyes, jb, it's all about the eyes" (c) 2006 jb

jason was convinced that i have game (i have none), so i took it and ran with it and taught him everything i know...
"make eye contact, they feel like you can see into their soul"
"keep your mouth shut, they're the talkers of the species"

i'm sure i threw in some swingers quotes too...
"you start talking about puppy dogs and ice cream, of course it's gonna end up on the friendship tip."

my line for the night...
"you've got a boyfriend, i'm not looking for anything, let's look out for each other."

i made it all up dude, don't try it.

ray, a drop of golden sun

doe, a deer, a female deer

songs from this weekend

http://www.purevolume.com/jasondean

"i can't move on"
i wrote it a few months ago. it's not about any specific relationship, but a collection of emotions i've gone through from a sampling of bad luck and bad decisions.

"you didn't fight"
my old roommate at tech wrote it. we've all been there: you're torn and all it takes is that person saying "let's give this a try" to convince you to make it last, but she doesn't and you regret making the decision in the first place, even if it was the right one.

"everything"
one of my favorite conversations with God. it just happened to be one that both of us knew and felt like recording.

cart at sunset - cades cove

we're together, but it ain't like that -jb

you want a blog? you get a blog.

the freakin’ weekend kicked off with me dropping a sick suzie off at cianna's work so they could leave from there to go to atl with lori. i cleaned my apt and fell asleep watching tv while waiting on my old roommate from tech, jb, to get here. he rode his sweet little triumph bike here from peoria, il to save money on gas.

i feel bad for my neighbors because we stayed up until 5 a.m. sharing songs we had written and just catching up. somewhere in there we got some waffle house, which he doesn't get the luxury of up in yankee land.

saturday morning we watched a little football then decided to go canoeing down the harpeth. we called it my scouting trip so that if i was to take a certain someone down it i could be a smooth operator.

(c) 2006 JB

we were anything but smooth on this trip. i decided it would be fun to take blue along. for the first half he was out of the boat more than he was in it.

(c) 2006 JB

he eventually stayed in the boat with a lot of convincing from my paddle blade. when we stopped for lunch on this little sand bar, he took advantage of the shallow water that other canoes were getting stuck in, and would jump in their boats. we couldn't get him to stay in ours, but he loved jumping in with other people. (fyi, if your dog weighs more than about 40 pounds, do not take him canoeing, because he will flip you.)

"we're together, but it ain't like that" (c) 2006 JB

after the canoe trip it was nap time before we headed to a sports bar to see the tech game. jason and i met up with erin and her boyfriend (yeah, that erin), and lindsey and some of her friends. it was funny seeing how much jason and erin have changed in the 4 or so years since we were all close. i ran into a distant cousin who i hadn't seen in like 15 years. by the power of facebook we still recognized each other.

tech lost in a tight game and so we headed to this place called the flying saucer. silly name, but very cool place. beer snob heaven. i tasted a lot and enjoyed the pretzel i ate. we finally got home around 2.

(c) 2006 JB

sunday was breakfast (at lunch time) at cracker barrel (another southern luxury) followed by a lot more guitar pickin' and singin' and a little bit of recording. you'll hear it on myspace or purevolume soon.

we went to this place called siverado last night. at first i was making fun of the place, but after a while it kinda grew on me and i had a lot of fun. it's this country line dancing bar, except there were all kinds and colors of people there. there were a few break dancing black guys, your cliche cowboys, and everything in between. i definitely didn't try any of the country dancing, but enjoyed myself when the booty shaking music of the past 10 years was played. erin came again as did lindsey's friends (including her boyfriend, logan). he's a ridiculously nice guy who also writes songs (imagine that) so we're gonna get together and play some time.

(C) 2006 JB

reactions from the weekend:

holy cow jason and erin have changed. i don't feel like i'm all that different, but they aren't the same. we all had so much fun hanging out again. when erin left last night she was like "this was good" and i had to agree. we've had so much time to grow and change and to get along again is awesome. she's such a sweet girl and her boyfriend patrick seems like a great guy. he went to lipscomb so he can't be too bad, right?

i can be social. i met so many people this weekend and really enjoyed it. i don't know what my deal is, but when i go into situations (including ones with a ton of potential to be awkward like the past two nights) i expect the worst. this weekend i just went into it to have fun, and that's what i got out of it.

i'm gonna head to work in a little bit and maybe figure out some way to not be so far behind. but then again, i'll always be behind.

happy labor day, r.i.p. steve irwin

dear son

dear son,
i'm writing to apologize for throwing away my magazine collection. truth be told, it was a dust collection, and though i'm sure you'd love to look through them and laugh at the fashion and the fads that don't make any sense to you today, i did it out of selfish desires and lack of space. you see son, i'm moving to nashville tomorrow, and i've got too much stuff. the more i throw away, the easier it is, and the more room i have in my new place. sure, it would have been funny for you to see pictures of britney spears before her first of eight marriages, and you'd probably laugh at how soft my chemical romance's music sounds compared to the music of today, but i'm sure you'll understand.

love,
dad

transitions

(i talked to caroline wilson for a few hours tonight, sharing songs i'd written in the past two days and some movie quotes i thought she'd appreciate. she encouraged me to write another philosophical blog entry like i used to. here goes nothing.)

transition. this summer has been a huge time of transition. i went from being a college kid to a college graduate. from a camp counselor to the director. and now i go from living on the support of my parents to supporting myself and being responsible for the education of my students. i'm moving from a poor community to one of affluence in another state. all summer long i've been asking myself when did i grow up?

i always thought when i was 25 i'd feel like an adult. now that i'm closer to 26 i still feel like a terrified little kid. but when i looked at my staff i wondered when i grew up. when did i learn to think about the consequences of actions and avoid a situation i didn't want to put myself in? but at the same time i'm still so immature, so green.

i've been listening to derek webb, reading bebo norman's new myspace bio about his new album, and realizing that i have a growing hunger to be close to God again. i used to be, and to quote nickel creek, "i don't remember one jump or one leap, just quiet steps away from your lead." i'm hoping my transition to nashville becomes that catalyst that i need to change my life.

this transition has also made me want to open up more to people, to quit hiding things i'm ashamed of. i used to be so open with people, and lately i’ve found myself hiding things that i didn’t want them to know. it might not sound like a step in the right direction, but telling my mom i was going downtown for a friend's birthday and that i would be drinking was a big step for me by not only becoming more independent from them, but in opening up and being more vulnerable.

on his live album, the house show, derek webb says that the best thing that could ever happen to us is to have our deepest, darkest, most embarrassing sin broadcast on the 5 o'clock news. there's so much truth in that, and it's so challenging. it's not a matter of being scared of what people would think of us. we have to move past that. God knows what we've done. we can try to hide from our friends and family, but we can't hide from God. we can take these ridiculous fig leaves and try to clothe ourselves, but it's all useless.

so here i am. still growing up. still maturing. and still falling down.

never turn around

another attempt at a country song

"never turn around"

she grew up just like every girl
in a too small town and a too slow world
she was doing her best to find her way out
with dreams far away but heading nowhere fast
she hooked up with a boy and things didn't last
but he left her with one more than she was ready to care for

he gave her the slip with a baby on her hip
when he walked out of that door
as he made his way she begged him to stay
but she knew she was better off

no shotgun wedding, no ring on a finger's gonna slow that player down
any smart girl can say the best thing for me is to never turn around

while the baby grew fast momma settled down
not the man of her dreams but the best boy around
but even home sweet home couldn't slow her urge to go
so she snuck away at the first sign of light
hitch hiked into town took a greyhound ride
for the first time in her life she felt at home on the road

well she gave them the slip before she could be missed
at the first bite of cheerios
as she made her way all that he could say
was he saw it coming all along

no shotgun wedding, no ring on her finger's gonna slow that dreamer down
any smart man can see that the best thing for him is to never turn around

no shotgun wedding, no ring on a finger's gonna fix your problems now
all that i can say is the best place to be is living in the now
yeah never turn around

update on Blue

for those of you who haven't heard, blue got bit by a snake my first day up at camp. justin and eric were repairing the mountain bikes while i checked on cabins and other stuff. i threw a stick into a brush pile in the woods, and blue chased it. he stayed over there a while, and i just figured he was playing with the sticks, but i guess he was trying to play with a snake. he yelped, and came hopping out of the pile. we figured he had hurt his leg somehow and didn't think much of it until he swelled up pretty bad. within a few hours after the bite, his leg was as big around as my wrist.

we had originally thought that it was a copperhead since you see them all the time up there and we didn't hear a rattle. but as big as the bite was, and how adversely it affected him, i'm thinking it could have been a rattler that thought he was food (and wouldn't have rattled if that was the case).

so i took him to the emergency vet on saturday the 3rd, the day he got bit. i picked him up from the vet on monday after the swelling had gone down. he was pretty out of it from the bite and his medication. he started acting really strange on wednesday and got really aggressive with me. usually he'll nip at you when he's scared, but he was trying to bite hard. he hadn't eaten anything and wouldn't drink out of his water bowl (he drank out of the lake and the creek), so i took him back to the vet that friday. the vet assumed that it was his antibiotic bothering his stomach and that we could take him off of it and send him home. he did some blood work to make sure that his organs hadn't been affected, and unfortunately, they had. his numbers were off the charts, basically his kidneys weren't working at all.

they hooked him up on an IV and started diuresis, which basically means pumping him with an insane amount of fluids (like 3 liters a day) to flush out his kidneys and get them functioning again. if he has at least 25% function he can live a full life. so they started flushing last friday and checked his blood every few days. i went to see him last monday and was pretty worried. the vet and i had had the "when to put him down" talk. it was still too early, but because we didn't know how well this treatment would work, it was something i had to consider. with kidneys, the only way to know for sure if they're functioning is the bloodwork or a biopsy (which is impractical). the problem with the bloodwork method is the diuresis will naturally lower his numbers, and there's no way of knowing how much his kidneys are doing. my mom brought eric up to camp that day, so i had her go with me in case i'd have to make a decision. his numbers were better, and we decided to wait 2 days to check him again. the vet felt like he had hit rock bottom and he could only get better.

every few days his numbers got better, and by the time i went to see him this past thursday he was feeling a lot better. i took whatever i could find from camp that he would find appetizing and tried to get him to eat any way possible. he still refused to eat anything, including this prescription food that's "irresistible to dogs." they had been force feeding him, so he was finally getting more nourishment than the IV alone. he'd lost a lot of weight though.

they called saturday and said his numbers were much better and that it was time to send him home. so that's where we are today. home in athens. blue's feeling a lot better and my mom's grilled chicken was what it took to get him eating (he stole the rest of mine off my plate, and for once i didn’t scold him). i've been giving him the prescription food mixed with his dog chow, and he's gotten some chicken too. he's handled it pretty well, so hopefully that means that his stomach ulcer is better (a result of kidney failure) and kidneys are working now.

i'll take him back to the vet some time next week to do more blood work. if his numbers are better or back to normal, then he'll make a full recovery. if they aren't better, then... well, his kidneys aren't working and you know what that means.

i felt kinda silly asking people to pray for my dog, but then i thought about it and decided nothing was too big or small for God. thanks to everyone for all the prayers and concern. he's doing a lot better, and the more he eats, the more energy he's getting. he's lost 6 pounds, so we're still a long way from playing frisbee like we used to, but he's definitely improving. i hope that means his kidney's are functioning properly.

i guess i could give you an update

i'm guessing folks have given up on my blog since i haven't posted in forever, but here's the latest in case you stumble on it.

i interviewed and took a job in williamson county tennessee teaching elementary special ed, and got an apartment lined up in the bellevue area of nashville. camp starts june 4 with staff training, and i'll go up there before that to start getting ready for things. until then i'll be planning camp, trying to get everything lined up, and maybe packing up a little to get ready for my move in july.

tomorrow's the big day

after 7 years, 7 moves, 5 majors, and 4 schools, i finally graduate from college tomorrow. i've grown from a 0.40 gpa my first semester at georgia tech to an overall gpa of 3.10. i'm so blessed to have the wonderful parents to support me and put up with me through all this mess. through it all, i always knew that somehow everything would be alright. 13 semesters, 3 quarters, and just over 200 hours of classes later, i'm finally there.


but through it all, i'm still just a dork from athens.

rose for rosie

one of the roses given to dr. j at her retirement/our graduating party.

cohort closing down

the crew, minus chrissy.

we took this same photo last year:


here are some other old photos of us... it's crazy how much you change in just 2 years. here's the first group shot we took.


and here's one from last spring...


two years. it's almost over. and these 7 years of undergrad as well.

kimbo and lilly

sometimes pictures you take just come out perfectly.

my personality

if you've ever wondered what makes me tick, how to get along with me, why i'm the way i am, etc. read these links:

http://keirsey.com/personality/nfip.html

http://typelogic.com/infp.html

"Healers are found in only 1 percent of the general population, although, at times, their idealism leaves them feeling even more isolated from the rest of humanity."

no kidding!

take the test yourself and lemme know what your personality type is. i've been into this stuff since... high school?

egyptian theatre

i think they have the sundance film festival here. it's very unassuming and in the middle of all the other shops on main street.

olympic park snow

snow up to my knees


falling


cold and wet