Ladies, don't know how to break-up?

The following is Article 1 in a series of blogs titled "Dr. Dean's Advice." More to follow, so check back often.

Okay ladies, let's face it. Most of you are too sweet for your own good. The most common problem I notice in ladies is the difficulty they have in ending relationships.

Here's the prevalent scenario: girl and guy date for a certain period of time, usually not very long, and the girl realizes that he's not the one for her. He hasn't necessarily done anything wrong (in some cases he has, which is even more ridiculous for not breaking it off), so she doesn't want to be "mean" in being up front with him that it's over. She dances around the issue hoping that he will take the hint.

Here's the problem: males are meant to pursue. Males are the hunter, we're supposed to chase and try until we realize that it's not going to work. Coming to that realization is difficult because of games such as "playing hard to get" and the fact that when you thought you ended things, you didn't give any concrete reasons.
Guys take any open door -- any glimmer of a possibility -- to mean that there's still a chance. Guys are simple. We chase, we're rejected, we move on. Until we get that rejection we are going to chase. We're not quitters. That's wimpy.

The best thing that you ladies can do is be up front and honest. Guys respect that. This is NOT the time to list reasons -- those only lead to arguments. Simply state that it didn't work and that there's not a chance that you'll change your mind. He'll get over it, and he'll move on. If he's a stand up guy and you were friends before, he'll be able to be your friend again with time. But this is not something for you to worry about. He very well may choose to disassociate himself with you because it hurt, but that's okay too. You gave him a fighting shot like he deserved.

Look at it this way. You're not being "mean" is in turn unfair to him because he thinks there's still a chance. He's wasting his time, energy, and emotions on you holding onto that slim chance. If you truly END it when you know you should, he will recover much sooner because you've cut short the drawn-out misery.

Honesty is the best policy. Just like a can of worms that follows a lie, by not definitively telling a guy that it's over, you've got a mess on your hands. You know what the right thing to do is, you just don't know the gentlest way to go about doing it. When all is said and done, being blunt and honest is the best way of going about it. It will sting at first, but in the end, he will respect you.

no more 3x5s

i'm worn out. i came home from the beach to find the apartment i'm moving out of full of water. the laundry room, half the kitchen, and a whole lot of ceiling and drywall were waterlogged and starting to grow mold. thankfully i only had a few things left there and none of my stuff was wet or growing mold like the walls. the emergency maintenance man who was on duty said that when people move out they tend to leave their washer connections still turned on... how does that work? i thought when you unhooked the hoses it had to be off or you'd get sprayed. i don't understand. this same smart maintenance man dumped the water from his shop-vac down my garbage disposal drain. not sure what was in it from the last time he used it, but when i ran the disposal it made an awful racket and quit working all together. either he's dumb or lazy, either way, i just don't understand.

i pulled my camera out a whopping one time at camp -- to take group photos of the cabins during traditional week. didn't touch it for a church group, and didn't touch it at the beach. it wasn't that there weren't things to take pictures of, i just didn't feel it. i was stressed and busy, and by the time i got to the beach, all i felt like doing were crossword puzzles and reading about the new gm trucks. megan's making me bring it to iowa for the cultural experience i'm going to gain. i'm pretty well practiced up on the lingo -

pop = coke
regular tea = unsweet
farmers market = the place to go on saturday morning
corn = everywhere (but they don't eat grits, weirdos)

so since i didn't take pictures here's the highlights of the past week:
-montgomery, al looking as i would have imagined it to look during the 1960s, except with every kind of car you could imagine on 22s. megan had never seen anything like it. i welcomed her to the dirty south.

-buddy (lesley's horse of a yellow lab) stretching out across 2 boogie boards because he was too tired from swimming

-blue deciding he'd rather run along the beach and meet people than listen to me

-duke (justin's mess of a dog) choosing to dig the sand out from under our chairs rather than go anywhere near the water

-duke staying away from justin because he didn't want to carried back into the water

-sting rays, jellyfish, and dolphins

- our little motorcycle gang on adly fox scooters. i'm not sure which was funnier - eric riding off the road or lesley (trying to drive with justin on the back) riding off the road

-us 3 boys spending hours looking for a wal-mart and finding the perfect hawaiian shirts to wear for about... 10 whole minutes

-looking at the stars/fireworks from the roof of the house we rented

-sweating through a date with megan with a waitress who didn't seem to understand that we needed drink refills in order to be able to swallow the food

-spending a week with my family without having to plan what everyone was going to do or needed to do in order for the week to run smoothly

conformity and camp

when i'm in nashville, i feel like a country boy. everyone's so proper and affluent and it's so important to have a facade of perfection. when i'm in the mountains, i feel like a city slicker. it's all about being rough and raw and getting dirty and working hard. it's amazing how natural it is for us to conform to our environments and those around us. i missed my guns when i was at camp, even though i haven't touched them since last year. i wanted a truck to navigate the rocky roads. i wanted a little green ticket with a trout stamp, a pole and some salmon eggs to try my luck with the rainbows. the bugs used to bother me in nashville, but i spent a night under the stars knocking off spiders and swatting mosquitoes feeling comfortable and relaxed. i've never been one to fit in with a clique though--i'm too much of a loner, too weird i guess.

my heart wasn't in camp this year. we had the youngest staff we've ever had. they did great, the kids stayed safe and had fun, but i felt like i had to do a lot of managing on my part. i didn't enjoy it like i usually do. it's time for me to pursue other things. i need to start grad school, buy a house, and basically settle down to make the nashville area home. the summer is going to be the best time for me to do those things. levoy seemed pretty sad when i told him this would be my last summer at winfield, but i think he understood. they've been so great to me and i know i'll miss it.