driving back from the beach today i had a lot of time to think. a lot of it was "what am i going to do with my life?" types of questions. my senior year is rapidly approaching, and it's terrifying. i've been in school six years and i'm ready to be independent; i've spent my parents' money too long, but i want to be happy and want to choose the right paths. is special ed for me? will i feel fulfilled enough in doing it? will the confines of the american education system limit what i can do or how effective i can be? should i work at a camp? should i run a camp? how can i be a revolutionary? there's got to be a better way to do things, a more effective way to reach kids, to help kids, to change people's minds.
driving i wondered how different my life would have been if i grew up somewhere other than athens. what if i grew up in one of these poor farming towns that i just drive through? what's it like to live in a house that looks like it's falling apart and unsafe to live in? how can i help these people? how can i help anyone? how can i love anyone? how can i be loved?
if nothing else, this summer, being away from the cohort, has given me time to think. it's something i so desperately need. the cohort feels overwhelming, and i'm scared that life's like that in general. i need time to breathe, to think, to write. i have to process things. i feel a lot more settled that way.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Sunday, June 12, 2005
camp, 3 weeks
so i've been in the mountains 3 weeks and am getting a much deserved break. i stayed up there 2 weeks straight to babysit the 15 year olds we have working up there over the weekend. i'm leaving for the beach today to be with my family a few days before i head back.
camp promise was the first group to use our camp, and that group includes katie from last summer. i was an emotional wreck for about 2 days until we got used to each other again, when we became best of friends for the week. why was i such a mess when i was the one who broke things off with her? oh, maybe it was because i had forgotten how pretty she is, or maybe i had forgotten how sweet she is, or maybe i had forgotten how much i enjoyed her company. we made it through the week with only flirtations and i could have won a $50 bet had i not told katie about it or actually had intentions of taking a friend's money. i drove the boat a lot and met a ton of kids who inspired me tremendously. everybody loved blue and he behaved very well, most of the time without even wearing the shock collar.
speaking of blue, he's gotten way too skinny so i need to take him to the vet soon to see if it's worms or something more serious. i also have a cec meeting to go to this saturday, so i might take a few days off from camp to get some things done. that's if they let me. an all girls catholic camp comes in thursday and i couldn't stand them last year, so maybe this will be a good time for me to take off.
i've got 4 rolls of film to develop and i'll get some pictures up soon. included will be ones of the snakes that kenny and i caught with our bare hands, sunrise over a foggy mountain, baby geese, and much much more!
gotta pack for the beach!
camp promise was the first group to use our camp, and that group includes katie from last summer. i was an emotional wreck for about 2 days until we got used to each other again, when we became best of friends for the week. why was i such a mess when i was the one who broke things off with her? oh, maybe it was because i had forgotten how pretty she is, or maybe i had forgotten how sweet she is, or maybe i had forgotten how much i enjoyed her company. we made it through the week with only flirtations and i could have won a $50 bet had i not told katie about it or actually had intentions of taking a friend's money. i drove the boat a lot and met a ton of kids who inspired me tremendously. everybody loved blue and he behaved very well, most of the time without even wearing the shock collar.
speaking of blue, he's gotten way too skinny so i need to take him to the vet soon to see if it's worms or something more serious. i also have a cec meeting to go to this saturday, so i might take a few days off from camp to get some things done. that's if they let me. an all girls catholic camp comes in thursday and i couldn't stand them last year, so maybe this will be a good time for me to take off.
i've got 4 rolls of film to develop and i'll get some pictures up soon. included will be ones of the snakes that kenny and i caught with our bare hands, sunrise over a foggy mountain, baby geese, and much much more!
gotta pack for the beach!
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