driving back from the beach today i had a lot of time to think. a lot of it was "what am i going to do with my life?" types of questions. my senior year is rapidly approaching, and it's terrifying. i've been in school six years and i'm ready to be independent; i've spent my parents' money too long, but i want to be happy and want to choose the right paths. is special ed for me? will i feel fulfilled enough in doing it? will the confines of the american education system limit what i can do or how effective i can be? should i work at a camp? should i run a camp? how can i be a revolutionary? there's got to be a better way to do things, a more effective way to reach kids, to help kids, to change people's minds.
driving i wondered how different my life would have been if i grew up somewhere other than athens. what if i grew up in one of these poor farming towns that i just drive through? what's it like to live in a house that looks like it's falling apart and unsafe to live in? how can i help these people? how can i help anyone? how can i love anyone? how can i be loved?
if nothing else, this summer, being away from the cohort, has given me time to think. it's something i so desperately need. the cohort feels overwhelming, and i'm scared that life's like that in general. i need time to breathe, to think, to write. i have to process things. i feel a lot more settled that way.
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