put me in coach

suh-wing batta, batta, batta

found a roll of film from the end of last school year and got it developed. here's the first shot i liked off of it. i just got 7 rolls developed, and i'm getting better so there were a ton of pictures that i loved on them, so expect a lot of picture posts in the next few weeks.

long day of reading

so i've been reading philip yancey's reaching for the invisible God. i'm about 1/3 of the way through, and all he's talked about is doubt. basically he's taken every common conception and cliche about the evangelical protestant way of doing things and shattered it. parts that stick out to me are him talking about things you hear people say all the time like "God told me to say..." usually being a lie, and all the testimonies of successes that the church stresses. a lot of the time the church is so "feel-good" that people who are hurting and confused feel like there is something wrong with them because the struggles are not addressed.

he talks about all of the christian writers who have expressed their doubts openly and sheds light on the "spiritual propaganda" which disappoints so many when they don't see the promises come to fruition. all of the heroes in the bible went through periods of great drought and even suffering before they had their epiphanies. a friend of mine recommended this book to me because of how my life's been the past year, and the fact that the areas he addresses fit my way of thinking (my favorite book in the bible is ecclesiastes). i like to challenge things to see and understand what i really believe, and a lot of times i'm so cynical and critical that i can find holes in anything, often including my own ideas and beliefs.

i wish people in the church who are guilty of alienating themselves from strguggling believers (shoot, everyone's struggling, i guess what i'm getting at is people who think there's something wrong with them because of their struggles and doubts) with their pride and churchspeak could read this and see that we need to make the church experience more real. i wish that nonbelievers and those who have lost their faith in God could read this so that it would shatter any misconceptions that they have about God. all too often people are turned off by the thought of christianity because of the hypocrisy that they see in the church. they're turned off by hardships and they say "if there was a God, he wouldn't have let this happen." whenever people asked Jesus why such horrible things had happened to people, rather than give them reasons behind it, he said, let's see how the Father can use this for his own good. not that God caused it, but he will always use it for his good.

what this book has said so far is, it's okay to doubt, and you're going to have droughts, even really long ones at times.

to those who are turned off because of the people they see in church i say this: don't look at all the misfits, but look toward the Savior. He's the only perfect one, and his grace is sufficient for all those hypocrites and for you.

i feel like this is too scattered to make sense. if it is, i'm sorry. i'll try to explain it better if you ask me.

good long day

woke up and took my brother to walmart (where i dropped off 7 rolls of film) so he could get an rf modulator so he and his friends can play their video games in the hotel this week. i took him to church so that he could go to a really good youth rally in birmingham. from there i headed downtown to get my oil changed, tires rotated, and i got lunch at the grill. (no trip to athens is complete without eating at the grill, peking, and locos.) when i got my car back i drove out to visit a kid who i met through camp. talked to him for a while, played his guitar, talked to his brother about him trying to go to tech next year. when i found out he's really good at math and programs computer games in his free time, i told him he'd be fine there.

after spending about 30 minutes there, i drove out to the mall to return a gift i didn't want, and used the sears gift card to buy a 3 piece pliers set. (that's right, bought craftsman tools in my cowboy boots. i might actually start believing this "manly" facade.) then i exchanged an old navy fleece for 2 polo shirts. from there i went to see tj and terrance who i also know through camp. i was pleased to regift some items my brother and i had gotten that we didn't really need, but these guys could definitely use. the 3 of us went to see dick and jane, but since it didn't start for an hour and a half, we went to target so i could use my gift cards. i bought matisyahu "live at stubbs," john mayer trio "try," jamie cullum "catching tales," and death cab for cutie "plans." i had picked up o.a.r.'s new one and office space (it was $10 and that's a classic, even if i've seen it 10 time already) until i saw the ipod accessories section where i got an fm transmitter instead of the cd and dvd.

i wasn't very impressed with dick and jane. perhaps if i had gone into it thinking "this movie is a satire about all the big companies that went bankrupt recently" i might have gotten more out of it, but i thought it was pretty horrible. tj and terrance enjoyed it, so mission accomplished.

talked to julia and lindsey from camp today. looks like i'll eat lunch with jules on friday and then hang out with lindsey some point that day as well. she invited me to spend new years with her and her family (her dad and stepmom own my camp) on the lake, which i just might do. it's not like i have any better plans

now i'll relax with a dvd or some cds. probably cds and a book. yeah, that sounds like a winner.

18 minutes of christmas

i've still got time to get my "merry christmas" post in! drove to austell to spend today with my mom's side of the family. among the high pitched toddler screams and card playing, we got in a dvd slideshow covering my grandparents' 50 (very soon anyway) years of marriage. included were pictures of the grandkids (aka: jason always makes goofy faces and had no idea how ugly the clothes he was wearing were) so we all got a good laugh and made fun of each other. as usual i was given too many gifts and i foolishly made the comment "next year i'll finally have money to buy y'all gifts." everyone laughed and said "you'll have income, but you still won't have any money." they're probably right.

all the rumors you've heard are in fact true: jason dean has a pair of cowboy boots. here's me and an afraid-of-eric's-new-camera blue wishing you all a merry christmas.

(happy hanukkah jordan, enjoy the bowling ball.)

my space

reasons why i love myspace:
1. john mayer blogs there and shares demos of songs from 1999 that even he forgot about.
2. getting e-mails like this:

Hi Jason

With all that I am..I will worship You Jesus alone would like to be added to
your Myspace friends list.

By accepting With all that I am..I will worship You Jesus alone as your friend,
you will be able to send With all that I am..I will worship You Jesus alone
personal messages, view With all that I am..I will worship You Jesus alone's
photos and journals, and you will be able to interact with each other's friends
and network!

Click the following link to view With all that I am..I will worship You Jesus
alone's profile and accept or reject this user as your friend:

merry christmas, y'all!

box o' treasures

(don't for a second think i'm organized when you read the following. i was good about filing my bills and important paperwork for about a year.)

so i've been cleaning my apartment all day, and have a lot of credit card, georgia power, compassion international, etc. statements laying around in piles. so i decided to file them and get organized. before i did so, i shredded all the old things. it's funny how credit card statements are like diaries. here are the things that have stuck out to me so far:

1. paperwork for when i got a new pager when my old one quit working. that's right, i had a pager. no i didn't sell drugs.

2. a charge for mellow mushroom. i'm sure mr. henderson is very fond of this trip to mellow mushroom. well, not so much the trip there as what happened afterwards (you'd think i'd realize then that i was lactose intollerant). that and the fact that i broke my peppermint into little pieces on the parking lot asphalt so i wouldn't choke on it. he got a good laugh out of that.

3. the paperwork when i appealed to tech to get back in. the paperwork to change my major for the first time. some old transcripts.

4. an application for vida nueva. i think i was going to sponsor my brother or something.

5. coupons to 6 flags the year i bought a season pass and went twice.

6. my buzz card (tech i.d.) and chattahoochee tech i.d. (wearing my chick-fil-a uniform).

7. copies of the technique with articles that i had written and the editor had ruined. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) i wish i had the originals because i was so mad when she screwed them up. one in particular was too short because they decided to make it the feature, so instead of asking me to write more, she tried to write like me. it didn't even make sense.

other than that i'm realizing that i've accumulated a ton of text books in the last year and a half. we barely cracked most of them. i've kept them for reference once i start teaching... we'll see if i actually use them.

back to my war on clutter, dust, and of course: terror.

tonight's music so far: the muse, my chemical romance, garden state soundtrack, nickel creek... yeah, that random

EDIT (11:16 pm)
i won't have my apt clean by the time i go home. found more interesting stuff though:
the note that erin wrote me on my birthday that said she wanted to get baptized. pretty cool stuff. i think it's the only thing from her that i kept other than pictures.
a.p. scores and the announcement that i was an "a.p. scholar with honor"... a lot of good those classes did me =P

relationship

so i'm reading my friend from tech ben's blog, and it occurs to me that i suck at relationships in general. it's not just girls, as i am perpetually concerned with, but also God. my relationships with other are always better when my relationship with God is better. the particular phrase that stuck out to me in ben's post was "wrestle with knowing Him." i like the idea of that. it's not that God is unapproachable, he's the most approachable person in our life. but at the same time he's God which demands fear and reverence. if we didn't have to work at things, we'd probably lose our interest.

i leave you with this. i always appreciate any wrestling in prayer that you do for me.

You must learn to wrestle against the things that hinder your communication with God, and wrestle in prayer for other people; but to wrestle with God in prayer is unscriptural. If you ever do wrestle with God, you will be crippled for the rest of your life. If you grab hold of God and wrestle with Him, as Jacob did, simply because He is working in a way that doesn’t meet with your approval, you force Him to put you out of joint (see Genesis 32:24-25 ). Don’t become a cripple by wrestling with the ways of God, but be someone who wrestles before God with the things of this world, because "we are more than conquerors through Him . . ." ( Romans 8:37 ).
-My Utmost for His Highest 12/16

bandwagon & more christmas gift ideas

so i finally gave in to conformity and got my myspace page up. it doesn't have any newer songs up yet, and i can't find my cds from my secular recording session, so for now it's 3 christian songs and a really cheesy secular song. i hope secular doesn't carry a negative connotation with you. i use it to mean "not explicitly written about God." there are a lot of things that inspire me to write, whether it be love, frustration, heartbreak, other people, spirituality, whatever. the coolest thing about myspace so far is reading john mayer's blog. he's playing shows at eddie's attic this week. that's gotta be a good feeling for him to go back where he started, just him, an acoustic guitar, and his old bass player and long-time friend.

not that i expect you to, but if you were interested in making me really happy, you could do so by buying me one of the following items. i'm broke due to my own stupidity, fast driving, disorganization, and some things that happened this summer, so little things make me smile.

CDs
(in no particular order, i just type them as they come to me or i see them in the bmg catalog)
1. any nick drake album. sure they'll just depress me more, but he's incredible
2. any jeff buckley album (other than "grace" or "live at sin-e" because i own those).
3. any derek webb album (the songs he wrote for caedmon's call have always been my favorites).
4. the best of shel siverstein (it's a cd, i'd love his books too though)
5. travis "singles" (they were supposed to be the next oasis, coldplay did that instead)
6. jeremy camp "restored"
7. bebo norman "try"
8. john mayer trio "try!"
9. jamie cullum "catching tales"
10. something by rufus wainwright. i don't know his music well enough to pick, so if you do, pick out something good for me. haha, like i'm going to get anything on this list.

now that i feel really selfish for posting that, i'm gonna go shoot some photos of this idea i just got. i'm not much of an artist, so when i get inspired to contrive a photo, it's a rare occasion. then i'm gonna find a use for this new pen that i got in my stocking at grandma's.

potpourri

i have no idea which direction this post is going, so i won't title it until it's over. that's how i write songs anyway. i'll let it write itself.

i'm listening to snow patrol, reading adam duritz's online journal thing, and just thinking in general. a kid i met through camp just called me. he idolizes me and it kind of scares me, but i'm glad i can be there for him. hopefully my small words and prayers can help him turn his life around. he's so simple, so vulnerable, so troubled, so fresh.

the trip to grandma's was fun and it was good to see everyone. duke and blue had a blast running all over the farm collecting sand spurs. (have you seen the disney classic big red? you know the part when they stay up all night cleaning his fur? i felt like that last night.) it's neat to see how my generation is no longer the kids, and now my cousins' kids have taken over as the entertainment. we shot justin's glock and it made me want to hurry up and fix the rear sight on my bersa.

i always cringe when i get a gift that i know i'll never use/wear/like. buying gifts is so difficult in the first place, especially when you only see those people once a year. i guess i'm just really spoiled to either have enough of whatever gift it is or to not have any use for it. i guess it all comes back to the not standing up for myself and not wanting to step on toes. like today, i shot 2 rolls of kelli and her sister kara around campus because their mom wants pictures of them and they were going to just go to the walmart portrait studio. (i cringed at the thought of paying for walmart to take pictures for you too...) they asked me how much i charge and i felt bad asking for money. i always feel bad telling someone how much to pay me. i guess that's why i'll get a government job and complain about being poor for the rest of my life.

as for the issue of understanding my heart and when i'm ever going to commit to anything, i don't have an answer. all i hear is "when the right girl comes around, you'll know." i don't have any other answers so i'll stick with that one. i'm obviously not comfortable getting into something that i'm not absolutely sure about. i've heard that when people with commitment issues finally settle down, it's for good cause they've looked around for so long they know what they want. we'll see. i mean, if jay-o and chaille can both commit to something, why can't i?

maybe i'll start standing up for myself more. i feel like the past year and a half has done so much to change my beliefs. at first my pendulum swung way in the direction of "help everybody, everybody is different, everyone has a valid opinion." now it's swinging to "you need to worry about yourself more, help others as you are able, there are absolute truths and values that should not be compromised no matter what the public opinion polls say or how others perceive your beliefs, don't feel bad about saying 'no' because you have to worry about yourself too." my dad loves to say "look out for number one" and i think it's time i took his advice.

i went to church 2 weeks ago, and the preacher was talking about how important church is. it, along with a lot of other things, has reminded me how much i miss the fellowship i had when i was in atlanta with a strong core of christian friends, and how i made a new core in athens, and how i haven't done that in my 2 and a half years down here. i've started hanging out and jamming with justin and chad more, so maybe that will be what i need it to be. i'm not really sure what my body part is right now, but lately i've been amputated.

i still don't have a clue where i want to live when i graduate. the 3 options i'm considering right now are: nashville, athens, milledgeville. i think in that order too. nashville because i don't want to say "what if?" for the rest of my life when it comes to the songwriting thing. athens because i love that town, family's there, and i love the church. milledgeville because i've grown to like it down here and they're "in desperate need of good teachers" according to a professor.

i need to get 3 rolls of film developed. can't wait to see the results from the kelli/kara shoot when they get those developed. i will shoot many more before the break is over.

my longest posts always end up being the ones i come into not having a clue what i'm going to write about. i'll give this one a jeopardy title, though i hate the smell.

wish list

so this is probably the most selfish post i've ever made, but i don't really expect anyone to buy anything on it, so i figure why not dream a little. these are some things that i'd really like to have within like a year or so, but i realize that i'll probably never have the money to buy. a teacher's salary isn't going to go very far.

1. nikon d70s - it's more expensive than their other digital slrs, but this is a wish list, so i'm dreaming.

2. nikon sb-600 - you might say your camera already has a flash, to which i say, trust me, this would make me happy. (and a lot better pictures).


3. fender amp - i don't really have a clue what kind i want, but it'd be nice to have an amp for my (epiphone) les paul that i never play.


4. italk - would make recording new songs so much easier than setting up my mics and usb recorder. sure the quality would be worse, but that's not the point. every junior in the education program got one this year (along with ipods i might add). all we got was a stinking laptop.

5. roadtrip - fm transmitter and charger for ipod. wouldn't need to carry around cds anymore.


wow... everything i want is electronic. what does that say about me?

now i pack up, clean the apt, and go home for a while. maybe i'll get bored enough to read while i'm there.

post 2 of 2: the not so good news

drove up to watkinsville for my court date for my thanksgiving day speeding ticket. the first 5 cases he hears (if that's what you call sitting in a room with folding tables and plastic chairs) he's really lenient and always says "let me see what i can do for you." he keeps those who committed dui's out of jail time (even a guy with his second dui), reduces the under 21s speeds to where they don't lose their licenses or get points.

so i figure, this is great, i'm glad i drove up here instead of just paying the ticket and not seeing if i could get it reduced in any way. they call the first person who got there once the dui's and under 21s were out of the way, and that's me. so i go up there expecting to hear "let me see what i can do for you." instead i get "you have the option of pleading not guilty, which i don't recommend, or you can plead guilty or no contest." i had him explain no lo to me and decided to just not worry about it, plead guilty, and pay the money. so much for driving up there.

i prayed that God would have his way, so i guess there was a reason behind it all.

post 1 of 2: the good news

i got 4 A's and 1 B this semester which means (drum roll please) it took me 6 years to pull my 0.40 gpa of my first semester at tech up to above a 3.0 (it's 3.02 thank you very much!) i'm pretty thrilled and that makes up for the "not so good news."

518.64 quality points in 171.66 semester hours... by the time i graduate, i'll have gone to school for the equivalent of 12.4 semesters of 15 hours of classes each. if that's not insanity and determination i don't know what is. i'm so thankful to have parents to have put up with (and paid for) the semesters that went well grade wise!

my goal was to graduate with at least a 3.0 and unless something drastic happens, that's gonna happen! whoohooo!

bonus post: married ex

found out an ex got married, and the most bizarre comment you could imagine came from the wedding.

"amanda got married this weekend - somehow [her best friend] and i ended up talking about you and she said 'yeah i hear he never got over her' and i asked what she was talking about and she proceeds to tell me how someone at camp told amanda you still liked her"

if that in itself wasn't funny enough, the preacher called her husband "jason" once.

for anyone who doesn't know amanda's and my history, i'll share it with you on an individual basis. just know that this is very funny and there was more to it that i've omitted because i'm a gentleman.

doing the most good

(this post is certifiably blogworthy according to mr. henderson)

as you may know, mr. henderson and i call each other when we see marquee messages in front of churches that are noteworthy. today's post has to do with a confusion. a confusion similar to one experienced when reading an ex-girlfriend's away message that states "stressed is desserts spelled backwards... think about it." after thinking about it for over a year now, we still don't get it.

today's confusion: the slogan the salvation army has placed on their kettle tripods. "doing the most good." what exactly does that mean? the first assumption is that they are boasting that they do more good than other charitable organizations. but they're a christian organization, so they wouldn't boast, right? so it must mean something else. i honestly can't think of any other meaning, so i'll look at their website and dont' get much. they've got info on divorce, human cloning, and suicide, but nothing to explain their motto. all i see is "Committed to Doing the Most Good with your contributions of money, time, and resources." i'm still stumped... any ideas?

i subbed in my first kindergarten class today. it wasn't as rough as i had expected, but it's definitely a totally different world than i'm used to. i had to change my language, tone, and overall motivation for getting them to learn. it's amazing how much more mature my 2nd graders are compared to these kids. what was also amazing was how well the kindergartners knew their sight words. they can read better than some of my kids, but then again, i guess that's why mine are in special ed. even in kindergarten, i gravitated towards the kids who were having a tougher time. i'm supposed to be in there for the rest of the week, but their teacher came by today and said she might be back thursday. i wouldn't be disappointed if she came back early.

my speeding ticket's only $107 if i don't figure out some way to weasel out of it. (i've only got 1 plan thus far. it involves a cop's neice.) i was expecting it to be much more, so this is a good thing. this month i've thrown away more money in fines and late fees and promotions coming to an end than i could ever imagine. i gotta get on the ball.

i really miss somebody who does much better than i do in a kindergarten setting.

you call this work?

i subbed for my adopted host teacher today. it was the easiest work i've done since after school program. i should have taken a book, because planning is the most boring thing on the planet if you don't have to plan or have any homework to do or have some other student teacher to flirt with. why is subbing so much better than student teaching? oh maybe it's that i can get there later, leave earlier, do less work, and of course: get paid. so it's not much money, but when you're as broke as i am, you don't care. you take what you can get. maybe i'll do some work for my mom this weekend so i can pay all my bills. i'm thinking all this goes back to not getting paid what i was supposed to this summer, because i'm spending a lot less than i usually do... i've only bought like 10 cds this semester.

hung out with whitney pretty much all day yesterday. to answer your question "i don't have a clue." she's pretty cool except for the fact that she's not a fan of blue. how can you not love my dog? =P

going to leah's wedding tomorrow with my mom, and then to see jump (little children) at the morton for an acoustic show. i expect it to be nothing short of amazing. this is their last show in athens, and i think they really mean it this time (as opposed to last time).

oh, and the latest in the marquee ministry message hall of fame is:
THANKSGIVING IS THANKS LIVING
...we don't get it either

today's driving mix

destination - douglasville

1. Bjork - Human Behaviour
2. Bob Marley & the Wailers - Redemption Song
3. Bobby Pinson - One More Believer
4. The Bravery - Honest Mistake
5. Coldplay - White Shadows
6. Format - Cause a Scene
7. The Fray - How to Save a Life
8. Jason Mraz - Geek in the Pink
9. Johnny Cash - Understand Your Man
10. Kings of Leon - The Bucket
11. Mike Doughty - Looking at the World from the Bottom of a Well
12. Radiohead - Creep (acoustic)
13. U2 - Sometimes You Can't Make it on Your Own

diving in

she said she's known guys like me
and i've known girls like her too
so now we know where this will go
but that don't seem to stop us
there is no wasting time here
there's no reason to move slow

chorus:
i'm diving in
too soon to say i love you
i just want to get to know you
see what kind of memories we can make
i'm diving in
and i don't care what happens
there's no sense in holding back here
you only live through chances that you take
i'm diving in

girls like her think they can't win
guys like to up and leave them
it's so easy to lose their faith
they ask are there no good ones left
they refuse to settle for second best
somehow i made her look this way
(chorus)

she said that she's got her fears
and i am having doubts too
but they don't seem to get us down
everything's going smoothly
she says i make her happy
she's good at keeping me around
(chorus)

(one of, if not the most pop song i've ever written. not so much what i'm going through; more like inspired by what i'm going through and played the "what if" game. but you never know, life might imitate art)

free at last

whit will probably shoot me for putting this picture up here, but i liked it... couldn't have done my literacy kit without her help.

so the semester ended just the way i had expected it to: sleep deprived. in the end i got it all done. it wasn't my best work, but a lot of it was things that i couldn't do anything about, it was just poor planning. but all that matters is that i'm done! now i've got until january to do whatever i want. which means i'll do a lot of camp stuff, visit friends all over the state (maybe out of state), and most importantly relax. i plan to read a lot too, but lately i've been catching up on my tv watching.

thanksgiving started of kinda rough. i got my first speeding ticket ever. i was almost home, pulling into watkinsville. the speed limit drops to 35, and rather than put on my brakes, i just coasted to slow down when i got to the sign... well just after i passed the sign a cop pulled around the curve and clocked me at 54. the ticket did it's job, i drive slower now... well, i drive scared now. maybe that'll transform itself into driving slower. we'll see.

my aunt and grandmother spent a few days with us. those days involved a lot of watching football, playing rook at night, and they went shopping a lot. i did 6 loads of laundry and got a lot of sleep and spent a lot of time with the fam.

milledgeville confederate monument

before picasa:


postpicasa:

i wear this title proud

diz: now all i have to do is finish my lit kit, teacher manual, and tws

brett: no pressure

brett: you know, jason, that's what my list looks like and I had a sick toddler

diz: i don't get it... you're saying ?

brett: you are the most sophisticated procrastinator I've ever met

brett: congratulations

brett: :-D

countdown

i should be working on my school work, but this is good for my mental health and i'm pretty frustrated. i've gotten a lot done lately, but there's a lot more to go.

Ten Random Things About Me
1. i had pretty serious chest surgery when i was 5
2. i have a birth mark in the shape of a heart on my right shoulder
3. the best tasting things are the things that hurt my stomach the most
4. i'm a fan of both uga and georgia tech sports
5. i am super deadline dependent (i will not do something until it is absolutely necessary, thus not working now)
6. i own 5 guitars but only play 2
7. i own about 400 cds
8. every habit i have is expensive... did i say habit, i meant hobby
9. i love all kinds of boats but i'm a pretty pathetic swimmer
10. i can throw a frisbee better than you

Nine Things I Like To Wear
1. my nike hoodie
2. my chacos
3. my blue new balances
4. a hat
5. long sleeve t-shirts
6. the docker shorts that i've had for longer than i can remember (they're paper thin and full of holes, but i won't give them up)
7. pj pants
8. fleece (like sweatshirt material) shorts, i have about 6 pairs and i immediately change into them when i get home
9. this hideous gray speckled polo with a turtle that says "ymca camp staff" on it

Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die
i dunno, all my goals pretty much end at graduation cause i've been so focused on that for the past 5 years... i want to get married and have a happy family and do all kinds of revolutionary things.

Seven Ways To Win My Heart
1. have a passion and share it
2. words of affirmation (i starve for them and hold onto them for forever when i hear them)
3. be willing to put up with my crap
4. don't take any of my crap
5. be quirky enough to keep me interested but not so much as to scare me away
6. be godly
7. sing with me or let me take your picture

Six Things I Believe In
1. God
2. my own talents and abilities
3. my parents and the rest of my family
4. the power of music
5. the revitalizing power of nature
6. education

Five Things I'm Afraid Of
1. death
2. success
3. happiness
4. commitment
5. heights

Four Of My Favorite Items in my Bedroom
1. cd/dvd burner
2. my dog
3. photography books
4. my cameras

Three Lyrics to Songs I Love
1. we couldn't all be cowboys, some of us are clowns - counting crows "goodnight elisabeth"
2. i've hidden a note, it's pressed between pages that you've marked to find your way back, it says 'does he ever get the girl?' - dashboard confessional "this ruined puzzle"
3. i am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned - the postal service "such great heights"

Two Things I'm Trying Not to do Right Now
1. lead a girl on
2. think about another girl

One Person I would Love to See Right Now
1. tara

make a note

something to remember. something to make me think twice before doing whatever it is that i do:

"the only guys that want to take the time to 'break down my door' are guys that break it down and then don't come in"

...please don't lose your faith. that good guy is out there, i promise.

reluctant messiah

Reluctant Messiah
(Inspired by Lois Lowry’s The Giver)

You opened my eyes to a new life
A complicated scene
Everything once perfect in childhood
Now only faded memory
I ask myself can I do this
Bear the weight of the world
Now given the chance to make a choice
They never dared let us choose before

Chorus:
I am the reluctant messiah
Climbing up my own Calvary
I know that I must do this
To set my people free
It’s not a question of if I’ll do it
It’s just a matter of I can
I am the reluctant messiah
In search of the promised land

So now it’s been decided
I’m going to change the world
This newfound pain cannot hinder me
I’ve got to do it for every boy and girl
Now I know how God must feel
To watch his children suffer pain
I must give them the power of free will
Of life, of love, of color, and of rain
(chorus)

But now the pain’s too great
And this hill too steep
I just want to lay down and sleep
There’s no way I can make it on my own
But I can’t give in now
Can’t throw in the towel
Here at my heart I’ve got this child
And his life gives me strength
(chorus)

One foot in front of the other
Through the snow I climb
And now I can feel it
What’s on the other side

blue's new friend

big ole tire and neighborly fun

so a lonely 4th grader who lives behind me was at the mailbox when i got home yesterday. he asked me if he could play with blue. he had been scared of blue before, so i figured he'd chicken out again. i went to get him and brought him out without a leash. blue walked in heel until i released him with an "okay" when he ran to the boy, started to jump up, then sat down right at his feet. the boy saw the frisbee, ran to me, then took off for the grass talking to blue the whole way.

in no time he was petting blue, hugging blue, laying down on the ground next to blue. it was fun to watch. neighbors would wave and smile at me as they went by when they saw what was going on. the funniest part were the things the boy said:

"blue, you're the best dog ever. you're going to have to get in fights for me to beat up the mean dogs."
"can i have your dog when you get too old for him?"
"alright blue, listen to me. a frisbee does some tricky things. you think it's going to go one way, but it's going to go the other way. so stop and watch it. [throws, blue misses] now i told you what to do! you're not listening to me!"

he talked to blue the whole time. he asked me if i had a camera and i wished that i did, but it was in my apt and i didn't want to leave blue alone with him. at camp i let kids watch him all the time, but camp doesn't have cats and cars.

i'll be working all day again trying to complete this mound of work that i've piled up.

december to do list

1. record my best newer songs and get them copyrighted
2. practice more piano
3. camp stuff
4. play live gigs (at least 2)
5. do a photoshoot with at least 2 different people as models (any volunteers?)
6. go on a date with someone i haven't ever been on a date with
7. run
8. read these christian books that i bought and have been sitting in the amazon box for months
9. learn how to play "lover, you should have come over" all the way through (there are like 20 different chords in it)
10. go look at christmas lights

teacher stance

katie and i watched a video of us teaching the other night, and noticed the little things that we do all the time. she hated her "teacher stance."

cuatros bigotes

reason #462 why i teach:

batman is pricelss! i love my boys

the alarm clock and the polyphonic spree

so i was wondering what it would be like to get as excited about the morning as my dog does when he hears the alarm clock. just then a polyphonic spree song entered my head and forced me to be happy. now all i need is a colorful choir robe and some kind of percussion instrument you'd find in an elementary school music class. i think i want a set of bells... "follow the day, follow the day and reach for the sun!"

today is my last day of teaching my teacher work sample, though i'll continue to teach as much as my teachers will let me. i'm only required to teach 15 full days, but i'd much rather teach than sit back and watch. at least now i get the option of calling for the bullpen if i don't want to. i don't see that happening though... these next 2 weeks are going to be the hardest i've worked in my entire life, but i get to celebrate november 19th with brad paisley in asheville!


(one of my kids took this)

show off

on a separate note, i went and saw tim reynolds last night. after plan after plan fell through kelli was nice enough to go with me. i guess i expect too much from people when they give me their word, but personally i hope that when i give my word people can trust me to follow through on what i say i'm going to do.

before tim's set he did some squats and grabbed his butt cheeks a la ace ventura and did some other bizarre stuff. then of course he blew me away with his fingers (he uses a sampler thing like howie day when he plays solo, except tim does a lot more impressive stuff). he sang a few originals (lyrically, they sounded like he was reading a science or philosophy textbook) and a few covers (zeppelin & beatles) and of course played the only song of his anyone had ever heard, "stream." he played "stream" about twice the speed that he plays it on the dave album, so i didn't recognize it until he was pretty far into it. despite how it happened in my dream, tim did not invite me on stage to play #41 with him.

some kinda mushrooms

powerplant @ night

how much more bad stuff can happen to my friends? wait, don't answer that! i've had enough! God's teaching me that praying is the best thing i can do, cause it's pretty much the only thing i can do. so many situations i wish i could fix with my own two hands, but there's nothing i can do.

sorta like spielberg

so it always bugs me when i see photoshopped images that are in black and white with only one part in color, but this time i did it myself just for the heck of it. it's kinda like that one girl in the red dress in schindler's list, except there's nothing symbolic about this. it's just dogwood buds.

john milledge T

have i expressed my love for picasa yet? free is a lot better than photoshop with my lack of substantial income.

my new girlfriend

brett: good news. you have a girlfriend! her initials? TWS. she enjoys long typing sessions and late nights."

that's short for teacher work sample, or as we've renamed her, Tonya Wynn Stevenson.

brett: Tonya, I like how it rolls off the tongue.
brett: I dare you to turn it in with "Tonya" written in red on the front cover
diz: i just might do it
brett: in lipstick
diz: where am i going to get lipstick?
brett: I can get you some samples
brett: no excuses, I'm married to a Mary Kay lady

brett: your downfall (and your strength) is your deep attachment to some things. that and cuddling with strangers
brett: on blow up mattresses
diz: haha, i was like "how did you know [wouldn't you like to know her name?] and i cuddled?"
diz: then i went "ohhh"
brett: yep

the joke is brett tried to spoon with me in augusta on a blow up mattress in some girls from uga gwinnett's hotel room. he didn't.

walk away

is being this emotional a prerequisite for being a songwriter? or do i enjoy songwriting because i am so emotional? would i trade for being more stable and less sensitive in if it meant that i couldn't write?

"did i listen to pop music because i was miserable? or was i miserable because i listened to pop music?"
-high fidelity

i wrote a song a few months ago about needing a broken heart. because i'm such a commitment phobe and unintentionally do whatever hurtful things i've done in the past, i figured it would be cleansing and point me back towards God. i wouldn't call this a broken heart, more like an "i liked what i saw and put everything behind it which was foolish and i knew what i was setting myself up for but it still hurts." it might work though.

11 songs i'm listening to now

1. rascal flatts - i'm movin' on
(the only song of theirs i've ever liked)

2. ben harper - walk away
(pretty fitting emotionally "and it's so hard to do/ and so easy to say/ but sometimes/ sometimes you just have to walk away/ walk away")

3. nickel creek - when you come back down
(see older post)

4. jeff buckley - lover, you should have come over
(see previous post)

5. andrew peterson - the coral castle

6. angie aparo - cry
(yeah, he wrote it, and yeah, faith hill had a big hit with it)

7. anna nalick - wreck of the day
(you mean 2 a.m.'s not her only song? "if this is giving up, then i'm giving up, on love")

8. bebo norman - where the streets stand still
(i'm getting old i guess, it's all about settling down)

9. blue merle - if i could
(coldplay after smoking blue grass)

10. bright eyes - lua
(i'm not the only one who notices how insane our thoughts get or how we act after dark, and then in the morning you're like, "huh? i'm a crackhead!")

11. caedmon's call - table for two
(end it on a hopeful note "and you know the plans you have for me/ and you can't plan the ends and not plan the means")

i think it would be fun to be a radio dj, you've gotta have a touch in setting up a good playlist.

duke just farted and it smells horrible, gotta leave the room!

my favorite song ever

this song has always been a perfect fit for me, and now just as much as it ever had. it's my favorite cause it fits me so well.

"lover, you should have come over"
jeff buckley

Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so you never know

When I'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much I need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away,
When he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really
He has no-one

So I'll wait for you... and I'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return?
Oh, will I ever learn?
Oh lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come

It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her
It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

Well maybe I'm just too young
To keep good love from going wrong
Oh... lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Well I feel too young to hold on
And I'm much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage I've done
Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love well I'm waiting for you
Lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

spooked

i really enjoy going out and taking pictures, particularly at night. i enjoy the long exposures and not having a clue what i'm going to get until i get the pictures developed. so last night i went out in hopes of getting pictures of things that i've always thought would look cool at night: the power plant, gmc through the arch, and the john milledge and milledgeville motel neon signs.

pulled into wendy's at 11:30 because i had forgotten to eat dinner. flew through 10 chicken nuggets and some fries before i got to the lake. went past the power plant, pulled a u-turn, and parked on what used to be a driveway to something. walked through the kudzu, set up my tripod, then jumped really big. oh, that noise was just the sprinklers across 441 at the bank. took a few pictures at f/8, 1 second, 2 seconds, 4 seconds, 8 seconds... you get the idea. collapse the tripod legs, leave the camera on, walk back to my car, back out of the driveway.

turn on the lights and put on my seat belt as i merge back onto the highway. state trooper turns on his spot light and pulls a u-turn and comes right up behind me. he kind of hunkers down in my blind spot for about 10 seconds, then pulls up along side me for 10, eases back to my blind spot, pulls up even with me. he does this like 5 times, then pulls in pretty close directly behind me and follows me all the way back to walmart. at that point he pulled over to assist another officer who had just pulled an f-150 over. i guess he was just making sure i wasn't drunk... he must have seen me turn on my lights when i was already on the road or something.

so i was pretty spooked, drove to the end of jefferson street to get some pics of gmc. it wasn't as impressive as i remembered and there were a bunch of army dudes running so i took a few pics of a confederate soldier monument on jefferson and headed to the motels. i pulled into the john milledge motel, took a light reading off of their marquee (not sure if that's where to do it, but i figure the neon would show up well at that exposure, we shall see the results and go back with that knowledge). took a few, pulled around to get some of the milledgeville motel, then headed back north towards the lake.

this time i parked in the old choby's parking lot and walked down to the lake. there are a lot more lights on this side of the power plant and they reflect off of the water. took a few with my 30-80mm and then finished the roll with my 70-300mm. (i used my 60mm micro on the other side of the plant. the micro part didn't matter, but it is a better lens than the other 2; $300 better, or so the price says.)

(side note: why is it called macro photography when you're taking pictures of things that are small and getting really close up? i think nikon's correct in calling their macro lenses micro, but it makes for a lot of confusion.)

as i'm walking back to my car i noticed the "no trespassing" signs mixed in with the realtor signs, so i decided i had seen enough of the authorities for one night and left pretty quickly, only to pull out as a baldwin county sheriff deputy was going by...

because i can

because i feel like it and i can

In the last 24 Hours have you...
1. Had sex: definitely not
2. Bought something: breakfast and lunch yesterday... wait, that was more than 24 hours ago, nope!
3. Gotten sick: emotionally, not physically
4. Sang: when do i NOT sing?
5. Been kissed: not even by blue
6. Ate something: jimmy dean sausage biscuits, poptarts, bologna sandwich, bbq fritos, apple sauce, star crunch (i sound like a little kid, my eating habits suck =P)
7. Felt stupid: stupid as in, "why in the world did you do that? how could you possibly think it was funny?" then, yeah, absolutely
8. Talked to an ex: i'll count blakely katie as an ex, so yeah

Last person who....
1. Slept in your bed: blue was probably up there at one point last night
2. Saw you cry: God... i don't remember the last time i cried in front of a person, it's been a while
3. Made you cry: brett, but it was just because i was upset and talking to him and when he pointed me towards God i broke down because i knew he was right. that was a while ago too...
4. Went to the movies with: kim and her family to see that vin diesel babysitting movie... yeah, extra long time ago
5. You went to the mall with: i don't remember the last time i went to a mall... i honestly have no idea

Have You Ever...
1. Said "I Love You" and meant it: yes indeed, though i use it more sparingly than i used to
2. Got in a fight with your pet: he's bloodied my hands a few times, and i'm not talking our play-fighting either
3. Been to California: yeah, i was 15... i'd love to go again, but then there's that whole money thing. how far is it from salt lake city, cause that's a free trip...
4. Been to Mexico: nope, "but if you're gonna go, baby won't you please, go all the way to mexico"
6. Been to Canada: got as close as a few miles in the boundary waters canoe area in minnesota
7. Been to Europe: never, it's back to that money thing

1. Do you have a crush on someone: yeah, but it's gotten all complicated so i'm worrying about school. that's what i keep telling myself i'm doing anyway.
2. Who would u marry with no questions asked?: as in like no prenup? absolutely. "i can tell you this much i will marry just once, and if it doesn't work out give her half of my stuff. it's fine with me, we said eternity."
3. Worst feeling in the world: lately it's been knowing that a friend is hurting extremely badly and there's nothing that anyone can do about it. guilt's pretty rough, but i think it's healthy up to a point.
4. Future children's names: do guys think about this? cause i never have
5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: only a living breathing black and white one stuffed with dog chow.
6. What's under your bed right now? : haha, Blue!
7. Favorite sports to watch: tech basketball, tech football, uga football, braves playoff baseball (i'm not fair weather, the games just get too long and boring)
8.Location: 1980 Briarcliff Rd. Apt. D6
9. Piercing/Tattoos: nada
10. Do you drink: occasionally, but not enough to do anything
11. What are you most scared of right now: all the work i have to do doing me in, balancing the my student teaching semester will all of the duties that go along with being a camp director in the spring.
12.Where do you want to get married: wherever she wants to
13. Who do you really hate: i dunno, it's hard to point a finger without 3 back at you... there are a few people who i would be pleased if i never saw them again for the rest of my life
14. Do you have a job: i guess i do =P i make my own hours though, which means i haven't been doing too much cause i don't have the hours to make
15. Do you like being around people: yeah, but i haven't had that privilege in quite a while, i have no friends apparently. well we're all really busy, but it still sucks
16. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: i'd say yes, but then there are the girls i didn't think i had a chance with who i actually did have a chance with. (i say that with proof because, well, i got the chance)
17. Have you ever cried: what kind of question is that? of course! and do!
18. Are you lonely right now: absolutely, and i'm afraid i'm gonna have another lonely birthday, all alone in my apt.
19. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: lately it's been a few on jump's "between the dim and the dark"
21. Played strip poker: naw, playing for money's more fun
22. Gotten beaten up: never been in a fight in my life
23. Done an all-nighter: see: freshman year at georgia tech, the last few weeks of my fall junior semester, and the rest of my undergraduate career.
24. Been on radio/TV: only for brief instances
25. Been in a mosh-pit: it happens when you go to shows, but never intentionally, i am "born to be mild" to steal adam's description of mr. henderson
26. Do you have any gay/lesbian/bi friends: yeah, it's a lot easier when you don't live with them anymore =P

do you ever get the feeling...

do you ever get the feeling that the only things you do well are take standardized tests and shower daily? shoot, i don't even do that well.

Time for a third start
Third time's the charm
Back to the place where I belong
I'm prepared trip
But i will not fall
-Lori Herron

mr. henderson gets a licence plate

if there was ever any doubt as to the dorkiness of my tech friends, let it be laid to rest with this fine piece of history:

http://www.jasondean.net/license_plate.htm

when you come back down

i've always loved this song, but i've been wearing it out in iTunes and on guitar lately. i just fits. i'm getting together with justin and chad to jam tonight. i'm really excited cause i've got so many new songs for them. who knows, we might write some.

"When You Come Back Down" by Nickel Creek
You got to leave me now, you got to go alone
You got to chase a dream, one that's all your own
Before it slips away

When you're flying high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play

When you're soaring through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down

I'll keep looking up, awaiting your return
My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn
And I won't feel your fire

I'll be the other hand that always holds the line
Connecting in between your sweet heart and mine
I'm strung out on that wire

And I'll be on the other end
To hear you when you call
Angel, you were born to fly
If you get too high
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll catch you when you fall

Your memory's the sunshine every new day brings
I know the sky is calling
Angel, let me help you with your wings

When you're soaring through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down

Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down

picasa bridge

downloaded picasa (google's free picture editor) and played with it a little on this photo:



i might have overdone it with the blue tint to the sky, but otherwise i think it's a better picture. i took this on the river in knoxville... uga fans were walking across the railroad tracks to get to the stadium. they are braver/dumber than me.

things i really want (but don't have money for):
-some type of studio light to take better portraits (just 1, all my favorite portraits only use 1)
-a better flash for my camera
-a digital slr
-the new herbie hancock album
-an amp for my electric guitar that i bought on my 21st birthday and haven't really played
-effects pedals for said guitar
-studio time to record my new songs
-those new songs on cd
-a manager to push me into trying a music career

cry your eyes dry

i can't imagine what you're going through
but i can feel your pain
when i look into your bloodshot eyes
they stare blankly right past me

it's not your fault what you are going through
but that doesn't help you now
i wish there was some way to rescue you
end this suffering somehow

i will hold you down
while you're kicking and screaming
i will hold you down
when you're ready to die
i want to lift you up
up out of your grieving
let me hold you now
until you cry your eyes dry

i can't imagine what you're going through
how do you deal with all the eyes
they have already convicted you
before you get a trial

but they don't know you like i know you
they don't see you're dying inside
i see there's nothing now that i can do
i'm so frustrated i am blind

so let me hold you down
while you're kicking and screaming
let me hold you down
when you're ready to die
i want to lift you up
up out of your grieving
let me hold you now
until you cry your eyes dry

another quiz thingy (yeah, that's a technical term)

Seven years ago, it was Fall 1998 :-O Take this quiz, post the results, and see how much things have changed since then.

7 years ago...
How old were you? 17
What grade were you in? 12th
Where did you go to school? take pride in cedar shoals!
Where did you work? i had just quit food lion because i was having panic attacks, though at the time i didn't know what they were
Where did you live? athens, ga
How was your hair style? probably about the same, just shaggy enough to flip out from under a hat. it was a lot thicker then...
Did you wear braces? nope, had those in 4th grade and 9th grade (yeah, both)
Did you wear contacts? never have
Did you wear glasses? probably some cheap nascar lookin' sunglasses with one giant wrap around rainbow lens
Who was your best friend? nick dale
Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend? i was still into this girl named pam, but she "liked me and was in love with someone else"
Who was your celebrity crush? wow, back then... probably britney spears, she was blowing up right?
Who was your regular-person crush? pam i guess, i was really flirty with everyone though. i lost my fear of girls that year and got a little out of control with the flirting. i've never recovered ;-) it's all michael ruhumbika's fault.
Were you a virgin? absolutely
How many piercings did you have? just as many as i do now
How many tattoos did you have? see piercings
What was your favorite band? dave matthews band, but i was really big into zeppelin, sublime, and oasis
What was your biggest fear? well, i was agoraphobic, anything public, particularly school or other crowded places
Had you smoked a cigarette yet? my mom reads this thing...
Had you gotten drunk or high yet? see cigarettes on drinking, never done any drugs in my life, never will
Had you driven yet? for almost 3 full years
If so what car(s) did you use? i had had my brand new civic a few months at that point, hadn't hit the deer yet. i probably still missed my boxy 85 accord with 4 brand new speakers.
Which of your pets were still alive? we had a collie named Taylor, he died the next year
Which members of your family were still alive? my grandfather had died that feburary, but other than that none have died (thank God)
Which members of your family were not born yet? my first cousins' many kids (like 6 or so)
Did you know the person who sent this to you? well, no one sent this to me, i stole it from lori's blog, but i didn't know her. i had a long, miserable realtionship to go through before we met in person at cades cove.

daddy's tomatoes

personality

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.For you, comfort and calm are very important.You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

luke & julia

i have no idea why the color looks so vintage, that's the way it scanned. i kinda like it though, so i just left it.

at last - my snake

(click on the picture for full effect)

so i promised this pic months ago, and finally got a roll of film that had been in my camera since this summer developed. i think it was well worth the wait! once again, i caught the snake in the wild.

knoxville and financial trivia

the knoxville trip was amazing. well, not the trip up there (like 7 hours) but the whole experience. callie, casey, and their friend tj went.

things that will stick with me:
1) how friendly everyone in knoxville was. i've heard of southern hospitality, but it was almost if the didn't want to step on my toes at all
2) callie had holes stared through her (as to be expected, she's gorgeous) and broke a lot of guys hearts in her red dress on game day.
3) casey being obnoxious to every person she saw wearing tennessee yellow. (i know it's "orange" but that color is not orange. and she was doing it out of competitive spirit, nothing bad.) 4) tj likes to talk. he can't stand the silence. he had trivia and stories for everything, and we were all too nice to tell him we just wanted to be quiet for a while. trivia question: what is the only company left on the... crap, i don't remember the question, but the answer's g.e. "it was on final jeopardy 4 years ago, that's the reason i remember it, i beat my friend on that question. did i ever tell you about the time i..."
5) they had a prayer before the game! the whole 110,000 person stadium! how cool is that!
6) tailgating on a 40 foot boat on the tennessee river. (and almost falling in crawling from boat to boat, and the way callie carries her beer when doing so. now that's a redneck yacht club!)
7) seeing rob and laura leigh barrett and their parents for the first time in years.
8) the mullet sporting tennessee fan who tried to pick a fight with every georgia fan he saw
9) georgia's offense wishing jason allen well as they carted him off the field.
10) being applauded as we left o'charley's after the game because uga had won the game
11) walking around knoxville looking for the car
12) callie's "friend" nick, who thought it was fine to knock on our door at 4:30 a.m. and ask us to come party with them
13) kenny rogers, former georgia resident, singing with the ut band at halftime (he was pretty drunk)
14) how loud that stadium is (110,000 people in a big bowl can make quite a loud sound)

i'm sure there are more, but i've gotta go. it was great to get away from everything in milledgeville and now i've got a ton of work to do!

EDIT:
15) "my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps"
16) "i've heard all your bodily functions stop when you sneeze, but this one time i was..."

i will make it through this week

this is going to be one of the most trying weeks of my college career (writing 10 lesson plans, behavior disorders midterm that i will have to read about half of the book and then study for, placement from 7:30 to 3:00 every day) but friday afternoon i will be on my way to knoxville with some super fun people and have a weekend of not worrying about anything school related. unless by school you mean uga football and taking some cool pictures with lori. i don't even care if i find a ticket to the game (although i really really really wanna go). it's just getting away from everything that i'm looking forward to.

second grade here i come!

got a lot of work done this weekend at camp, which was good. everyone i've talked to sounds pretty excited about me taking over, so that makes me happy. it's going to keep me really busy, but i think it will be worth it. this is something i absolutely love doing, so i'm hoping it won't feel like a burden.

didn't get to see casey and callie like i had planned, but we're still planning on going to knoxville next weekend for the uga/ut game. it might turn into "jason's trip to knoxville to hang out with lori" cause if i don't get a ticket, that's what i'll be doing. maybe we'll get in that photo shoot we've always talked about.

i head back to placement tomorrow. it's funny how much more excited i am about sitting in an elementary school than i am about sitting in a college classroom. who am i kidding, i won't sit down at all! i really miss the kids, and i know they miss me. it's that whole waking up at 6:00 that i'm not looking forward to. i've got a lot of projects to do before november, but i'm pretty confident i'll get them done on time. i've done a lot more work lately than i usually would have at this point, so maybe i am growing up after all... then again, maybe not.

it's official

i am now free to announce that i have been named the director of camp winfield! i'm super excited about the possilities and the thought of working with a bunch of my best friends to give kids one of the best experiences of their lives.

i'm probably crazy for taking this on before i graduate, but i don't see things getting any easier once i'm teaching, so i might as well start now.

to answer the questions that everyone is asking:
1) the old director resigned. i respect him for a lot of things and there are things that i will change. i probably won't get it right for a while, but the learning process will be half the fun.
2) yes, i would love for you to come work there.

goodbye hello my favorite live show

5 encores, all my favorite songs. good stuff. but really bittersweet, cause jump little children have been one of my top 10 bands since middle school. i loved them before i could get into their shows, and even more once i could. i've only bought one of their albums, but might binge soon and buy the rest... well, at least vertigo and between the dim and the dark.

"In the beginning the only goal was World Domination. But call it maturity, call it old age, call it what you will, we’re not as interested as we were in dominating the world."

"But if you're gonna go
I'm giving you the key
But only if you'll go
To Mexico."

ants on park benches and last hurrahs

not a lot to say. same ol' same ol'. trying to be PATIENT and see what happens. i think my emotions finally calmed down. i went to eat with a bunch of the juniors today and sat their quietly and kinda laughed inside as they complained about the cohort. i remember when we were there. we've all grown so much from those moments as a group. their group will be different from ours because they're all pretty similar, but there are still comparisons to make between the two groups.

they pulled out a blanket on front campus to sit on and complain about professors, so i sat on a bench and took the time to call tara while they gossiped. as we were talking, i realized that she and i and kim were sitting on those same benches just under a year ago when she let us know that she would be moving. the difference this time was she was sitting in warner robbins looking at a big ol' moving truck full of stuff ready to head to florida.

tomorrow is jump's "last hurrah" show in athens. hopefully jay will continue to tour, 'cause his voice and songwriting are too good for him not to. terrisa and i are going to the concert, and i know a lot of other people who will be there, so hopefully i'll get to see them. i'm eating lunch with lauren mo tomorrow. maybe i can convince her to relax, because i think she's running herself ragged over the cohort.

that was awfully long to not have much to say.

twins

does anybody else think that the chili peppers' drummer, chad smith, looks just like will ferrell?

Please just don't play with me
My paper heart will bleed
This wait for destiny won't do
Be with me please I beseech you
Simple things, that make you run away
Catch you if I can
-All-American Rejects "Paper Heart"

perception

i've discovered that my perception of myself directly affects how i perceive others perception of me. if i'm happy and confident, everybody loves me. if i'm down on myself, everyone beats me down further. if i'm confused about what the heck is going on in my life, i don't really care.

and i do

i was so sure this was the time
i was gonna dive in after you
no more toes in the water, i would not stay dry
i was so sure you would be mine
i was gonna dive in after you
now i'm not so sure of anything

it's a fool who looks for logic in love
and i do
i was finally ignoring the past
forget your doubts boy
travel light, don't carry any bags
give my heart, no holding back
forget your doubts boy
now i'm not so sure of anything

it's a fool who looks for logic in love
and i do

...slowly becoming a song

duke, and the beast

ets is a beast. i sat in kilpatrick for more than 3 hours yesterday taking tests. i'll probably have to take at least one more praxis before i get all the certification, highly qualification, kiss no child left behindification's butt that i need to do. i'm glad i got to take the old s-a-t...

terrisa came over when she got off work and rode with me out to mattie wells to meet tara and duke. we stopped at wendy's on the way and i didnt' realize i didn't have any lactaid, so terrisa friggin' scraped all the cheese off with her frosty spoon. how amazingly sweet is that?!? got to see tara, and say our final goodbyes before she finally moves this weekend. she gave me her laptop to return to the school of ed, and i gave her a mix cd of all my favorite songs... they're all like 6 minutes long and incredibly... pensive.

blue and duke didn't get along as well as i had hoped they would. they tried to hump each other, duke bluffed a few warning snarls, i separated them a bunch, and eventually just let them go at it until blue finally realized he was outmatched and gave up. terrisa and i eventually got to watch finding nemo, then we went and saw kelli and lindsey (pj!) at the watering hole.

i woke up at about 7 this morning and found it a lot easier to walk 2 dogs than i thought it would be (terrisa had blue last night). they are really well behaved this morning! well, i think they just wore each other out cause they're both sleeping all morning. if only everything else was so perfect.

i've decided duke is a lab/pit bull mix because of how big and flat his head is. but he's super sweet and listens really well, so i think justin will like him a lot. he and eric are driving down today to pick him up!

claire

claude debussy's "claire de lune" is the greatest song, ever.

i'm taking the special ed praxis and a general content praxis tomorrow (yeah 2 in a row... but i get a lunch break). i'm pretty confident and feel fortunate that i'm a good test taker. after that i'm meeting tara in macon to get her dog to give to my brother. i'm pretty dang excited about seeing her. she's about to move. :-(

i'm gonna make her a mix cd; it's like my thing to do now. i'll make you one too if you like.

cheap food

totino's pizza: the best thing since ramen noodles.
98 cents baby!

crack or wilco

dizzymusik: NO ONE should ever be at school from 8:30 to 5:15... taking a break

brett: jason, I've been at school from 8-5 for 1.5 weeks. I've had meetings at lunch adn after school. it's not that bad

brett: you get used to being intellectually drained

brett: it becomes a way of life

brett: sometimes it actually feels good

dizzymusik: you're a crackhead

brett: precisely. it gets me by

dizzymusik: give me some of that to try...

dizzymusik: or i could just go listen to wilco

don't ask me how i know

not a lot to say. i'm unable to write a single song, and no new pictures.

it's my third week at creekside and let me say that working with kids with autism is definitely for me. i don't know if it's because i've got the most experience with them or what, but it just feels right. one of my kids pitched a huge fit, and yelled at me a lot. a teacher poked her head in the room to see what was going on as i was talking to him and smiled in a way that said "you look like you know what you're doing, i'm proud of you." the parapro that works with us was like "i don't know how you do it mister dean, i would have lost patience for him a long time ago."

i'm learning how to burn dvds. it's a lot harder than i thought to get around all that copyright encryption stuff. don't worry, i'm not breaking any laws...

my time at home is now consumed by this web site
http://www.archive.org/audio/etreelisting-browse.php
i used to have all these bootleg tapes of dave concerts, and this reminds me of that, except the quality of most of these shows is incredible, so much different from those weak, whiny tapes i used to have. i'm obsessed.

eat dem peas

chapel

the eye

i'm running out of pictures... gotta get out and shoot more.

satisfied customers

it's a rough job, but somebody has to drive the boat all summer...

my snake

considering the conditions (i shot this one handed while he crawled up my hairy arm, with the camera on manual mode, with a tiny depth of field, after he had absorbed body heat and was getting pretty active) i was very pleased to get this shot

reflection - high rock

geese

geese on burton, early in the morning

blue and reviews

eggo waf-fulls are not full and not worth spending money on.

speaking of not spending money, the jason mraz cd is terrible. there are about 3 decent songs and the rest are forgettable.

speaking of songs, i love nickel creek, but chris thile's songwriting has gotten stranger and stranger and i frankly don't know what "when in rome" means.

speaking of songwriting, i've never bought a foo fighters album, but i'm convinced that dave grohl is perhaps the best pop song writer of the last decade. he's consistently good.

speaking of being consistently good, water. it never lets you down. drink a lot of water kids.

door #1, door #2

i couldn't pick which angle i liked better. this is the same doorway at fort clinch.

seagull

chacos on the boardwalk

fort clinch state park trails

hooked up my old computer so i could use the scanner again. here's some shots from the beach trip we took as a family in june.