john milledge T

have i expressed my love for picasa yet? free is a lot better than photoshop with my lack of substantial income.

my new girlfriend

brett: good news. you have a girlfriend! her initials? TWS. she enjoys long typing sessions and late nights."

that's short for teacher work sample, or as we've renamed her, Tonya Wynn Stevenson.

brett: Tonya, I like how it rolls off the tongue.
brett: I dare you to turn it in with "Tonya" written in red on the front cover
diz: i just might do it
brett: in lipstick
diz: where am i going to get lipstick?
brett: I can get you some samples
brett: no excuses, I'm married to a Mary Kay lady

brett: your downfall (and your strength) is your deep attachment to some things. that and cuddling with strangers
brett: on blow up mattresses
diz: haha, i was like "how did you know [wouldn't you like to know her name?] and i cuddled?"
diz: then i went "ohhh"
brett: yep

the joke is brett tried to spoon with me in augusta on a blow up mattress in some girls from uga gwinnett's hotel room. he didn't.

walk away

is being this emotional a prerequisite for being a songwriter? or do i enjoy songwriting because i am so emotional? would i trade for being more stable and less sensitive in if it meant that i couldn't write?

"did i listen to pop music because i was miserable? or was i miserable because i listened to pop music?"
-high fidelity

i wrote a song a few months ago about needing a broken heart. because i'm such a commitment phobe and unintentionally do whatever hurtful things i've done in the past, i figured it would be cleansing and point me back towards God. i wouldn't call this a broken heart, more like an "i liked what i saw and put everything behind it which was foolish and i knew what i was setting myself up for but it still hurts." it might work though.

11 songs i'm listening to now

1. rascal flatts - i'm movin' on
(the only song of theirs i've ever liked)

2. ben harper - walk away
(pretty fitting emotionally "and it's so hard to do/ and so easy to say/ but sometimes/ sometimes you just have to walk away/ walk away")

3. nickel creek - when you come back down
(see older post)

4. jeff buckley - lover, you should have come over
(see previous post)

5. andrew peterson - the coral castle

6. angie aparo - cry
(yeah, he wrote it, and yeah, faith hill had a big hit with it)

7. anna nalick - wreck of the day
(you mean 2 a.m.'s not her only song? "if this is giving up, then i'm giving up, on love")

8. bebo norman - where the streets stand still
(i'm getting old i guess, it's all about settling down)

9. blue merle - if i could
(coldplay after smoking blue grass)

10. bright eyes - lua
(i'm not the only one who notices how insane our thoughts get or how we act after dark, and then in the morning you're like, "huh? i'm a crackhead!")

11. caedmon's call - table for two
(end it on a hopeful note "and you know the plans you have for me/ and you can't plan the ends and not plan the means")

i think it would be fun to be a radio dj, you've gotta have a touch in setting up a good playlist.

duke just farted and it smells horrible, gotta leave the room!

my favorite song ever

this song has always been a perfect fit for me, and now just as much as it ever had. it's my favorite cause it fits me so well.

"lover, you should have come over"
jeff buckley

Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so you never know

When I'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much I need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away,
When he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really
He has no-one

So I'll wait for you... and I'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return?
Oh, will I ever learn?
Oh lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come

It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her
It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

Well maybe I'm just too young
To keep good love from going wrong
Oh... lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Well I feel too young to hold on
And I'm much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage I've done
Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love well I'm waiting for you
Lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

spooked

i really enjoy going out and taking pictures, particularly at night. i enjoy the long exposures and not having a clue what i'm going to get until i get the pictures developed. so last night i went out in hopes of getting pictures of things that i've always thought would look cool at night: the power plant, gmc through the arch, and the john milledge and milledgeville motel neon signs.

pulled into wendy's at 11:30 because i had forgotten to eat dinner. flew through 10 chicken nuggets and some fries before i got to the lake. went past the power plant, pulled a u-turn, and parked on what used to be a driveway to something. walked through the kudzu, set up my tripod, then jumped really big. oh, that noise was just the sprinklers across 441 at the bank. took a few pictures at f/8, 1 second, 2 seconds, 4 seconds, 8 seconds... you get the idea. collapse the tripod legs, leave the camera on, walk back to my car, back out of the driveway.

turn on the lights and put on my seat belt as i merge back onto the highway. state trooper turns on his spot light and pulls a u-turn and comes right up behind me. he kind of hunkers down in my blind spot for about 10 seconds, then pulls up along side me for 10, eases back to my blind spot, pulls up even with me. he does this like 5 times, then pulls in pretty close directly behind me and follows me all the way back to walmart. at that point he pulled over to assist another officer who had just pulled an f-150 over. i guess he was just making sure i wasn't drunk... he must have seen me turn on my lights when i was already on the road or something.

so i was pretty spooked, drove to the end of jefferson street to get some pics of gmc. it wasn't as impressive as i remembered and there were a bunch of army dudes running so i took a few pics of a confederate soldier monument on jefferson and headed to the motels. i pulled into the john milledge motel, took a light reading off of their marquee (not sure if that's where to do it, but i figure the neon would show up well at that exposure, we shall see the results and go back with that knowledge). took a few, pulled around to get some of the milledgeville motel, then headed back north towards the lake.

this time i parked in the old choby's parking lot and walked down to the lake. there are a lot more lights on this side of the power plant and they reflect off of the water. took a few with my 30-80mm and then finished the roll with my 70-300mm. (i used my 60mm micro on the other side of the plant. the micro part didn't matter, but it is a better lens than the other 2; $300 better, or so the price says.)

(side note: why is it called macro photography when you're taking pictures of things that are small and getting really close up? i think nikon's correct in calling their macro lenses micro, but it makes for a lot of confusion.)

as i'm walking back to my car i noticed the "no trespassing" signs mixed in with the realtor signs, so i decided i had seen enough of the authorities for one night and left pretty quickly, only to pull out as a baldwin county sheriff deputy was going by...

because i can

because i feel like it and i can

In the last 24 Hours have you...
1. Had sex: definitely not
2. Bought something: breakfast and lunch yesterday... wait, that was more than 24 hours ago, nope!
3. Gotten sick: emotionally, not physically
4. Sang: when do i NOT sing?
5. Been kissed: not even by blue
6. Ate something: jimmy dean sausage biscuits, poptarts, bologna sandwich, bbq fritos, apple sauce, star crunch (i sound like a little kid, my eating habits suck =P)
7. Felt stupid: stupid as in, "why in the world did you do that? how could you possibly think it was funny?" then, yeah, absolutely
8. Talked to an ex: i'll count blakely katie as an ex, so yeah

Last person who....
1. Slept in your bed: blue was probably up there at one point last night
2. Saw you cry: God... i don't remember the last time i cried in front of a person, it's been a while
3. Made you cry: brett, but it was just because i was upset and talking to him and when he pointed me towards God i broke down because i knew he was right. that was a while ago too...
4. Went to the movies with: kim and her family to see that vin diesel babysitting movie... yeah, extra long time ago
5. You went to the mall with: i don't remember the last time i went to a mall... i honestly have no idea

Have You Ever...
1. Said "I Love You" and meant it: yes indeed, though i use it more sparingly than i used to
2. Got in a fight with your pet: he's bloodied my hands a few times, and i'm not talking our play-fighting either
3. Been to California: yeah, i was 15... i'd love to go again, but then there's that whole money thing. how far is it from salt lake city, cause that's a free trip...
4. Been to Mexico: nope, "but if you're gonna go, baby won't you please, go all the way to mexico"
6. Been to Canada: got as close as a few miles in the boundary waters canoe area in minnesota
7. Been to Europe: never, it's back to that money thing

1. Do you have a crush on someone: yeah, but it's gotten all complicated so i'm worrying about school. that's what i keep telling myself i'm doing anyway.
2. Who would u marry with no questions asked?: as in like no prenup? absolutely. "i can tell you this much i will marry just once, and if it doesn't work out give her half of my stuff. it's fine with me, we said eternity."
3. Worst feeling in the world: lately it's been knowing that a friend is hurting extremely badly and there's nothing that anyone can do about it. guilt's pretty rough, but i think it's healthy up to a point.
4. Future children's names: do guys think about this? cause i never have
5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: only a living breathing black and white one stuffed with dog chow.
6. What's under your bed right now? : haha, Blue!
7. Favorite sports to watch: tech basketball, tech football, uga football, braves playoff baseball (i'm not fair weather, the games just get too long and boring)
8.Location: 1980 Briarcliff Rd. Apt. D6
9. Piercing/Tattoos: nada
10. Do you drink: occasionally, but not enough to do anything
11. What are you most scared of right now: all the work i have to do doing me in, balancing the my student teaching semester will all of the duties that go along with being a camp director in the spring.
12.Where do you want to get married: wherever she wants to
13. Who do you really hate: i dunno, it's hard to point a finger without 3 back at you... there are a few people who i would be pleased if i never saw them again for the rest of my life
14. Do you have a job: i guess i do =P i make my own hours though, which means i haven't been doing too much cause i don't have the hours to make
15. Do you like being around people: yeah, but i haven't had that privilege in quite a while, i have no friends apparently. well we're all really busy, but it still sucks
16. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: i'd say yes, but then there are the girls i didn't think i had a chance with who i actually did have a chance with. (i say that with proof because, well, i got the chance)
17. Have you ever cried: what kind of question is that? of course! and do!
18. Are you lonely right now: absolutely, and i'm afraid i'm gonna have another lonely birthday, all alone in my apt.
19. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: lately it's been a few on jump's "between the dim and the dark"
21. Played strip poker: naw, playing for money's more fun
22. Gotten beaten up: never been in a fight in my life
23. Done an all-nighter: see: freshman year at georgia tech, the last few weeks of my fall junior semester, and the rest of my undergraduate career.
24. Been on radio/TV: only for brief instances
25. Been in a mosh-pit: it happens when you go to shows, but never intentionally, i am "born to be mild" to steal adam's description of mr. henderson
26. Do you have any gay/lesbian/bi friends: yeah, it's a lot easier when you don't live with them anymore =P

do you ever get the feeling...

do you ever get the feeling that the only things you do well are take standardized tests and shower daily? shoot, i don't even do that well.

Time for a third start
Third time's the charm
Back to the place where I belong
I'm prepared trip
But i will not fall
-Lori Herron

mr. henderson gets a licence plate

if there was ever any doubt as to the dorkiness of my tech friends, let it be laid to rest with this fine piece of history:

http://www.jasondean.net/license_plate.htm

when you come back down

i've always loved this song, but i've been wearing it out in iTunes and on guitar lately. i just fits. i'm getting together with justin and chad to jam tonight. i'm really excited cause i've got so many new songs for them. who knows, we might write some.

"When You Come Back Down" by Nickel Creek
You got to leave me now, you got to go alone
You got to chase a dream, one that's all your own
Before it slips away

When you're flying high, take my heart along
I'll be the harmony to every lonely song
That you learn to play

When you're soaring through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down

I'll keep looking up, awaiting your return
My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn
And I won't feel your fire

I'll be the other hand that always holds the line
Connecting in between your sweet heart and mine
I'm strung out on that wire

And I'll be on the other end
To hear you when you call
Angel, you were born to fly
If you get too high
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll catch you when you fall

Your memory's the sunshine every new day brings
I know the sky is calling
Angel, let me help you with your wings

When you're soaring through the air
I'll be your solid ground
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down

Take every chance you dare
I'll still be there
When you come back down
When you come back down

picasa bridge

downloaded picasa (google's free picture editor) and played with it a little on this photo:



i might have overdone it with the blue tint to the sky, but otherwise i think it's a better picture. i took this on the river in knoxville... uga fans were walking across the railroad tracks to get to the stadium. they are braver/dumber than me.

things i really want (but don't have money for):
-some type of studio light to take better portraits (just 1, all my favorite portraits only use 1)
-a better flash for my camera
-a digital slr
-the new herbie hancock album
-an amp for my electric guitar that i bought on my 21st birthday and haven't really played
-effects pedals for said guitar
-studio time to record my new songs
-those new songs on cd
-a manager to push me into trying a music career

cry your eyes dry

i can't imagine what you're going through
but i can feel your pain
when i look into your bloodshot eyes
they stare blankly right past me

it's not your fault what you are going through
but that doesn't help you now
i wish there was some way to rescue you
end this suffering somehow

i will hold you down
while you're kicking and screaming
i will hold you down
when you're ready to die
i want to lift you up
up out of your grieving
let me hold you now
until you cry your eyes dry

i can't imagine what you're going through
how do you deal with all the eyes
they have already convicted you
before you get a trial

but they don't know you like i know you
they don't see you're dying inside
i see there's nothing now that i can do
i'm so frustrated i am blind

so let me hold you down
while you're kicking and screaming
let me hold you down
when you're ready to die
i want to lift you up
up out of your grieving
let me hold you now
until you cry your eyes dry

another quiz thingy (yeah, that's a technical term)

Seven years ago, it was Fall 1998 :-O Take this quiz, post the results, and see how much things have changed since then.

7 years ago...
How old were you? 17
What grade were you in? 12th
Where did you go to school? take pride in cedar shoals!
Where did you work? i had just quit food lion because i was having panic attacks, though at the time i didn't know what they were
Where did you live? athens, ga
How was your hair style? probably about the same, just shaggy enough to flip out from under a hat. it was a lot thicker then...
Did you wear braces? nope, had those in 4th grade and 9th grade (yeah, both)
Did you wear contacts? never have
Did you wear glasses? probably some cheap nascar lookin' sunglasses with one giant wrap around rainbow lens
Who was your best friend? nick dale
Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend? i was still into this girl named pam, but she "liked me and was in love with someone else"
Who was your celebrity crush? wow, back then... probably britney spears, she was blowing up right?
Who was your regular-person crush? pam i guess, i was really flirty with everyone though. i lost my fear of girls that year and got a little out of control with the flirting. i've never recovered ;-) it's all michael ruhumbika's fault.
Were you a virgin? absolutely
How many piercings did you have? just as many as i do now
How many tattoos did you have? see piercings
What was your favorite band? dave matthews band, but i was really big into zeppelin, sublime, and oasis
What was your biggest fear? well, i was agoraphobic, anything public, particularly school or other crowded places
Had you smoked a cigarette yet? my mom reads this thing...
Had you gotten drunk or high yet? see cigarettes on drinking, never done any drugs in my life, never will
Had you driven yet? for almost 3 full years
If so what car(s) did you use? i had had my brand new civic a few months at that point, hadn't hit the deer yet. i probably still missed my boxy 85 accord with 4 brand new speakers.
Which of your pets were still alive? we had a collie named Taylor, he died the next year
Which members of your family were still alive? my grandfather had died that feburary, but other than that none have died (thank God)
Which members of your family were not born yet? my first cousins' many kids (like 6 or so)
Did you know the person who sent this to you? well, no one sent this to me, i stole it from lori's blog, but i didn't know her. i had a long, miserable realtionship to go through before we met in person at cades cove.

daddy's tomatoes

personality

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.For you, comfort and calm are very important.You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

luke & julia

i have no idea why the color looks so vintage, that's the way it scanned. i kinda like it though, so i just left it.

at last - my snake

(click on the picture for full effect)

so i promised this pic months ago, and finally got a roll of film that had been in my camera since this summer developed. i think it was well worth the wait! once again, i caught the snake in the wild.

knoxville and financial trivia

the knoxville trip was amazing. well, not the trip up there (like 7 hours) but the whole experience. callie, casey, and their friend tj went.

things that will stick with me:
1) how friendly everyone in knoxville was. i've heard of southern hospitality, but it was almost if the didn't want to step on my toes at all
2) callie had holes stared through her (as to be expected, she's gorgeous) and broke a lot of guys hearts in her red dress on game day.
3) casey being obnoxious to every person she saw wearing tennessee yellow. (i know it's "orange" but that color is not orange. and she was doing it out of competitive spirit, nothing bad.) 4) tj likes to talk. he can't stand the silence. he had trivia and stories for everything, and we were all too nice to tell him we just wanted to be quiet for a while. trivia question: what is the only company left on the... crap, i don't remember the question, but the answer's g.e. "it was on final jeopardy 4 years ago, that's the reason i remember it, i beat my friend on that question. did i ever tell you about the time i..."
5) they had a prayer before the game! the whole 110,000 person stadium! how cool is that!
6) tailgating on a 40 foot boat on the tennessee river. (and almost falling in crawling from boat to boat, and the way callie carries her beer when doing so. now that's a redneck yacht club!)
7) seeing rob and laura leigh barrett and their parents for the first time in years.
8) the mullet sporting tennessee fan who tried to pick a fight with every georgia fan he saw
9) georgia's offense wishing jason allen well as they carted him off the field.
10) being applauded as we left o'charley's after the game because uga had won the game
11) walking around knoxville looking for the car
12) callie's "friend" nick, who thought it was fine to knock on our door at 4:30 a.m. and ask us to come party with them
13) kenny rogers, former georgia resident, singing with the ut band at halftime (he was pretty drunk)
14) how loud that stadium is (110,000 people in a big bowl can make quite a loud sound)

i'm sure there are more, but i've gotta go. it was great to get away from everything in milledgeville and now i've got a ton of work to do!

EDIT:
15) "my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps"
16) "i've heard all your bodily functions stop when you sneeze, but this one time i was..."

i will make it through this week

this is going to be one of the most trying weeks of my college career (writing 10 lesson plans, behavior disorders midterm that i will have to read about half of the book and then study for, placement from 7:30 to 3:00 every day) but friday afternoon i will be on my way to knoxville with some super fun people and have a weekend of not worrying about anything school related. unless by school you mean uga football and taking some cool pictures with lori. i don't even care if i find a ticket to the game (although i really really really wanna go). it's just getting away from everything that i'm looking forward to.

second grade here i come!

got a lot of work done this weekend at camp, which was good. everyone i've talked to sounds pretty excited about me taking over, so that makes me happy. it's going to keep me really busy, but i think it will be worth it. this is something i absolutely love doing, so i'm hoping it won't feel like a burden.

didn't get to see casey and callie like i had planned, but we're still planning on going to knoxville next weekend for the uga/ut game. it might turn into "jason's trip to knoxville to hang out with lori" cause if i don't get a ticket, that's what i'll be doing. maybe we'll get in that photo shoot we've always talked about.

i head back to placement tomorrow. it's funny how much more excited i am about sitting in an elementary school than i am about sitting in a college classroom. who am i kidding, i won't sit down at all! i really miss the kids, and i know they miss me. it's that whole waking up at 6:00 that i'm not looking forward to. i've got a lot of projects to do before november, but i'm pretty confident i'll get them done on time. i've done a lot more work lately than i usually would have at this point, so maybe i am growing up after all... then again, maybe not.