crooked sideburns

every man knows it. it's impossible to get your sideburns right. every haircut they ask you if you would like them to fix your sideburns, and out of male pride you always say "no, i'll take care of them myself."

and so begins the battle of getting your sideburns at the same length and level.

when my dad taught me how to do my sideburns, he said, "it's easy son, just line them up with your ears." but i quickly learned that doesn't work because my ears aren't level. my right ear is higher than my left. so i had to learn to compensate... a little higher on this ear; a little lower on that one.

and the thing about sideburns is you never know how much you're actually trimming until it's too late. every guy, since he started shaving at 14, has cut his sideburns, one uneven side at a time, until he has marched his way all the way up past his ears and had no where else to trim. and they were still uneven. most of the time you just have to compromise and know when to forfeit your quest for even sideburns.

so here's to uneven sideburns and uneven ears. not all of us can have a perfectly symmetrical face like you, denzel washington. the rest of us must live in a world of "almost aligned." who wants a perfect face anyway? i say crooked sideburns add character!