grammy play by play

(aka the longest post ever)

opening... interesting. the end kind of exploded like a train wreck instead
of fireworks. who wrote queen latifah's jokes? did she write them herself,
'cause they're about as predictable as a lifetime movie. (or so i've heard.)

best pop vocal performance. maroon 5 should win it. out of nowhere los
lonely boys win it. and like i suspected, an arrest for marijuana possession
didn't slow the drummer down. they look like los high boys tonight. spent a
little too much time with willy nelson, huh?

and to think i've heard this alicia keys song too much in the past...

jamie foxx has got a great falsetto, but that mike tyson tatoo on the back of
his head kinda ruins it...

r&b vocal. i guess brian mcknight 'cause he's old. prince?!? crap, i'm 0 for
2.

only u2 would sing a song nobody knows at the grammys...

best rock album? i'm going with green day, but it better not be elvis
costello... yay, i got one right! 1 for 3. call it a comeback!

best new artist... anybody but kanye's cocky butt. sweet! maroon 5, i never
woulda guessed it, but they deserved something tonight. aw, look at kanye
congratulating them after calling gretchen wilson's win at the ama's bs. i
wonder if this is gonna be like india (dot) arie where you get all these noms
and don't win any awards. it would serve you right you cocky prick. to think
i bought your album... oh yeah, i never would have guessed maroon 5 would win,
so i'm 1 for 4. have they really only given out 4 awards in an hour and a
half?

lol, quentin tarantino. i want him to introduce my band when i'm famous.
greed day... i wonder if the blue part of the flag is supposed to go on the
left side when you hang a green flag like that one,

i'm betting alicia keys wins the r&b album. whoohoo! prince didn't win again!
i'm 2 for 5. she's a lot hotter with her hair like that instead of in corn
rows.

janis joplin tribute coming up... didn't she die over 30 years ago? oh wait,
they're doing a biopic about her, right? we'll see.

i've got to get some homework done...

the staples sisters or something? i always thought a guy sang this song.
she's got the deepest voice i think i've ever heard on a woman. it's deeper
than john legend's. that's the worst stage name i've ever heard. about as
bad as alicia keys. no offense staples lady, but your voice needs Jesus.
that's one long winded blind boy from alabama. where's ben harper? lol, this
guy in the "old" congregation's lance armstrong bracelet sticks out like a...
well, bright yellow bracelet.

best rap album... jay-z. crap, kanye friggin' won one. don't they know jay's
retiring? what's up with his hair? oh crap, he's getting inspirational. and
he finishes it by being a prick (Vulgar Slang. A person regarded as highly
unpleasant, especially a male.) "everybody wanted to know what i'd do if i
didn't win. i guess we'll never know." idiot. i'm 2 for 6.

how old's joss stone? like 16? and her boyfriend is like 30?

holy cow melissa ethridge is bald! g.i. jane done got old and got a bird beak
nose. why are they trying to sing like janis joplin? i guess i do that with
dave and john mayer songs. ok, i guess it's hard to sing a song without
sounding like you're trying to sing like the artist. i feel like an idiot
because i forgot she has breast cancer. i'm so sorry. i'll wear a pink
bracelet if somebody gets me one. yeah right, like anyone's read this far.

apparently there are red bracelets for republicans and blue ones for democrats
now. that's so similar to supporting cancer!

tim mcgraw looks high too. are all the country folks getting high together?
matthew mcconaughey doesn't look high though. i guess they wouldn't let him
around the bongos.

amy lee could be so cute if she didn't try to be so... not. i'm voting on the
coal miner's daughter for country album. sweet! loretta lynn. maybe jack
white is the genius everyone says he is. that or he's got us all fooled,
which i guess is genius in itself. at least she's really country. geez he
needs to shave that moustache. she's so country, wow.

whoa, john mayer's not with his trusty bass player. where's da-la? it's good
for him to show his guitar skills, cause most folks don't know hot phenomenal
of a guitar player he is. sorry dude, that jacket is gay. are your initials
on the pocket? l.m. pressley looks old.

the killers the killers the killers! crap, u2. a friggin' song that goes
"one, two, three, fourteen" won a friggin' grammy. don't cuss bono! don't
cuss, they'll fine you again. am i 2 for 7? i lost count.

norah jones is so hot. brian wilson! i'm so glad he got out of bed. (not just the barenaked ladies' song, he was for real in bed with depression.) amazingly scott weiland doesn't look high. good for him!

song of the year... lol, stevie wonder acted like he was gonna read it. i was
guessing john mayer, just didn't type it fast enough. that's good, he
deserves it, but why don't they ever pick the songs of his that i would
expect. that's 3 for 8.

usher... what can i say? seems like his star is shining and won't dim for a
while. i need to learn his hat tricks. ho yeah, say it loud i'm black and
i'm proud. i was on james brown blvd 2 weeks ago.

dang, sheryl crow's wearing like, the big lance armstrong bracelet as a dress.

record of the year... dark horse is ray charles, but i'm betting on usher
cause the song never went away. shoulda guessed they'd give it to ray
charles. norah jones is so hot. i guess a song doesn't have to be heard to
win a grammy. wow, they cut them off with music. shut that music up and let
his manager talk. that's what i thought! "humbly we accept the grammy,
sincerely we say thanks." i like that. i like it a lot.

how much did don cornelius pay for his date tonight? wow.

i haven't gotten any homework done since 8.

oh no, the president of the academy. don't talk about downloading. good, tsunami is acceptible, whining isn't. doh, he said "own" the music.

ablum of the year... i'm betting on kanye, but again, ray charles is the wild card. have they really only given out 9 awards so far? haha, there was an ad for boll weevil pesticide... tell me that was just for the macon market and not national. ray charles wins... i'm not really surprised, they're making up for not rewarding him enough when he was alive. i finshed 3 for 10. glad i didn't bet money on it, like it was a basketball pool or something.

yet again, the grammys are out of touch with what both critics and pop culture think. alright kanye, have you learned from your ama mistakes? keep your friggin' mouth shut tonight.